Well Here We Are

 

 

Screen Shot 2019-04-23 at 9.49.09 AMThis is the week it all goes down.  We started Saturday with four groups making the doubles finals, congrats guys!  Technically we have the Kingshit and Queenshit the weekend after bowling ball, but this is go time.  Sixteen teams left.  Who’s peaking at the right time?  I’ll take a shot at the early games, Thunder will submit late writeups.

Oddballs 8 vs Splits Happen 2:  The Oddballs are back to back Tuesday A champs.  That’s pretty damn impressive.  The only roster change was subbing in Nugget as essentially their only playoff woman, and it looks like a solid move thus far.  Earning the top spot means a couple of B teams on the path to the quarterfinals, so no one is paying much attention to them yet.  They opened vs Lesbowlians and left no doubt, putting up big scores.  They don’t seem like a team that will have a let down.  All their dudes are good bowlers, and they are unlikely to all go cold at once.  They will move on and we’ll talk more about them Thursday.

Splits Happen has had a pretty remarkable run.  They lost their Captain and their top average guy, and responded with a 10 win season and a spot in the B finals this Saturday.  Triple G led the way with 6 200s in a whopping 36 games, and he earned it with a ton or practice games on top of his Restaurant League games.  Bones2 was also over 160 and had a big playoff round last week to knock off ICBING.  Sarge had a solid rookie season (which is good since I overheard him at the beginning of the season say he was excited to move from Casco Bay to BoPo for ‘better competition’…you forgot the party dude, it’s still about the party!), and Bananza carried the load with 33 games on the women’s side.  These guys have had a great run and are a real threat to win a B banner, but this doesn’t strike me as a game with a lot of upset potential as Oddballs are all business.

Average Bros 11 vs Strikes on Tap 4: The Average Bros are the other top seed, but they did not have as easy a time last week.  They eked out a 2nd point in game 1, then turned what looked like a 4-1 loss in game 2 into a 4-1 win in the last frame, and held off a feisty Poultry Ass.  None of them bowled to their average, but they survived.  I tend to think they’ll bounce back from that and go huge in game 1 tonight.  That said, they are facing a step up in competition.  Tap doesn’t have the ace like Iceberg, but they have far more depth.

Strikes on Tap had the only B season more remarkable than Splits Happen.  They lost their best bowler, Cleveland (more on him later) in the offseason, and somehow improved en route to a Tuesday B crown and a B finals spot.  The Cleaner may be quiet but he is very shrewd and has done amazing work as a Captain.  First on his list of moves was bringing in rookie ScrapperJohn MR.  I’m a huge fan of this guy, and his 167 average led the way.  There’s a big drop to Birdman and The Cleaner in the 150’s, but then their difference maker has been La Femme, an all-star level bowler with a 144 average over 33 games.  Their depth has been the key all season, the famed ‘mid-level depth’ factor I often drunkenly talk about.  I have them losing by 7, but I think they force a game 3, before ultimately getting over powered.

Sharks and Strikes 9 Sons of Danarchy 6:  Dick Du Jour is more than happy to remind you that his team has always faltered in the Sweet 16.  He’s actually more than happy about a lot of things, just a happy dude, or that could be the Trulys.  Fifty one is a lot.  Anyhow, his team is the favorite in the Sweet 16 yet again.  In fact, with their ‘sister squad’ eliminated already they may even be title favorites.  Haz Been is in his element with all these early games, and White Russian is coming off a nice playoff 200 last week.  Oh yeah, then there’s Cheddar.  They got this guy to break his FA contract with YB2 and he’s come in focused and determined.  The elimination of Swingin Richards may take some wind out of his motivational sails, but he’s Cheddar, expect a couple 200s.  This team is loaded, but they’ve been loaded before and tripped here.  Can they break their playoff curse?

S.O.D. is flying way under the radar, but don’t forget they have a couple Yankee heavyweights of their own.  Rev Lord left Hazzard for an opportunity like this, and Couch is ready to giggle his way to some big scores.  They also have playoff stalwart Diesel captaining the ship and the guy has a great track record in majors playoffs.  Speaking of majors, did you realize Booth is tied with Diesel (and a few others) for 3rd all time with 4 titles?  McStriker has a couple majors herself and her performance will be crucial in this one.  The Sharks are the faves again but are facing their own Sweet 16 demons.  I think SOD keeps it close but DDJ rolls a huge series, makes roster offers to four guys, and downs 15+ Trulys on the way to the quarters.

L.O.S. 11 TDYOB 4: An all-rooftop sessions battle!  Actually hold on a minute I’ve got to go post the last episode, shit……

There you go!

Ok, where were we.  Right, L.O.S. had a fascinating year.  They decided to expand the roster to 11 players, didn’t focus on winning, and went on to grab the 2 seed anyway and have one of their rookies lead Thursday in average for most of the season.  The plan worked, and now they go into playoff mode with a top three dudes that on paper edges everyone’s top 3.  Putt Putt is getting his first playoff experience, but as a competitive athlete I doubt it will impact him too much.  His only issue is his other job should be going by now.  Cheese and Precious have been Cheese and Precious, just two tall dudes raining strikes.  They do have the heartbreak of Sunday’s doubles loss to a wasted G Force weighing on them a bit, but that could go either way, motivating them or haunting them.  Don’t forget sneaky ass Mr. Stiffy – he’s never phased by any situation and whatever his regular season average, he tends to deliver clutch playoff performances.  Looks like Corn Nut, Strike Dancer and Hanky Panky are their three playoff eligible girls, with DHD defector Corn Nut getting the bulk of the games.

TDYOB pulled off a first round upset over OC in a rockfight.  Thunder decided to play himself after all, and did what he had to do getting his point in game 2 something like 114-104 over Tron (Dr just informed me it was 118-103).  Uh.  Munson threw the ball well except for 10-pins, Mo $ was solid, and free agent add and TDYOB-ravaged anchor Spare-O twice struck out in the 10th to swing games.  Farmer was a hot mess but he got that out of the way and he tends to bowl really well when he’s bowling with Cheese.  TDYOB is going to try to win this one with energy, but early is hard.  They need to start partying at their desks.  Who am I kidding, they’ll leave work early and get the party started as necessary, and DJ Jon blasting hits won’t hurt.  I don’t like their chances for the upset, but if they can somehow get to game 3, and if the doubles hangover is real, and if Thunder can rattle some cages, and if and if and if….

 

Now the late lines from the Good Doctor

Thunder recused himself from early, and Hungus from late, so here it is.  Props to all that made it this far, and to those that are about to die we salute you.  Quick reminder what we do in this life echoes in eternity.

Late:

Saucy Posse -4 versus Young and Bowled 2:  We told you YB2 was no joke, Guac didn’t listen and look where it got them:  All huddled at the bar at Howie’s at 1:00 a.m. crying about what the hell happened?!!??!  Crackerjack brought the heat, All Day is an ace, and Pete and Itz are seasoned playoff rollers they will give Saucy all they can handle but will it be enough?  Thunder says no because team opposite them has a banner and a top 4 to boot that boasts Nut Sauce, Splinter, Walter and Beef all talented BoPo playoff bowlers.  Both teams will tighten their lines to get to Thursday.  Only thing to watch is will YB2 be able to get enough points to make it to a game 3.  Enjoy this snoozefest both squads are super light on the party in the name of winning, well that’s Tuesday for ya:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WM3XcYB2UA

Wow, that looks like a video the Dentist would have been in.  Leave the party to Thursday y ’all!

Guns of Brighton -1 versus My Balls:  My Balls was tough luck losers pretty much the entire season as Cleveland Steamer couldn’t take top points off anyone.  In between kicking the ball return and cursing the gods good ole Steamer finally came through striking in the 10th to end Swinging Dongs season.  After a huge upset the Balls crew face Team of the Year contender in GOB.  These piss drunk cocks smash pins and Howie’s on the reg.  They just bounced former very former team of Destiny in Bingas and they won’t be looking to go down to My Balls tonight.  For all that Tuesday talk their will be at least one Thursday team in the semis one of these or Average Eskibros, no offense Strikes on Tap!  Sorry to Squeaky G, who I mistook for a kid with a beard at last night’s charity Baker which of course I won.  Here are Hand and Holden after the match attempting to get some late night chow:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXP1a-hXinI

Also, Lil Bit said I danced like an old robot last Thursday night, please:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBfsxXhkiJA&t=6s

Raining down hammers to Sneaky Pete, #honeypass

SKOL -5 versus BEER:  If there is shit BEER will find a way to fall down in it.  What once looked like a team of Destiny is now going to get SKOL fucked by the Tommy Gunz revenge tour.  BEER tried to get cute have one woman for the playoffs and get another eligible in name only, well that has come back to roost unfortunately as Brandy is out for this match flipping it 100% in SKOL’s favor.  Slow Roll has a broken elbow and got eligible rolling extremely poorly lefthanded and is about to have a baby any day.  Hungus don’t fucking care he is dragging her in there and making her bowl whether she likes it or not just, so he can once again see a Bowl Portland season pass him by in Bayside where he once again does not get a banner.  Only banner guy has is collecting dust and was won at Yankee Lanes during galactic bowl.  Banner is a banner, but cat wants more.  Hungus, Railroad and Herb will have to go completely off to overcome an injured Slow’s 90s tonight.  To me Viking and crew are too deep to be handed low and total every game and not come away with the win.  This will be one to watch.  Here is Hungus after the match:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mg_weeXxtkE

DHD -1 versus XXX Club:  Yep that’s right the year of Thursday continues.  Plucky retirement home team of Doc Douche and G Force smashed the fuck out of Hungus and Jerk then got by the Twin Towers in a dutch doubles bowloff Sunday night to advance to 2 v 2 finals.  These boys stay hot tonight.  Pickle has recovered from back injury and DHD is prime for an upset.  Buck just had another 300 and will be hard to beat but this squad has had super bowl hangover all season long.  Herk doesn’t know where the lanes are, minor can’t keep it on the lanes, Roadhouse is a world traveler Koops is knocked the fuck up and Bora has been hot and will need to stay hot tonight.  Just saw her in the office and wished her good luck tonight, she replied thanks, no return in-kind?  Please must have forgotten Thursday is up in this bitch!  But to me as a Thursday guy I smell an upset.  Here we go Thursday here we go clap clap.  Here is Kingpin asking Herk for that money he owes him:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TruXhuAO4IY

Super fun season, good luck to all that are left including yours truly.  Come on down, get loud, heckle away and then show up Saturday support all the folks rolling for titles and then let’s get loose as fuck at the bowling ball as another glorious Bowl Portland season comes to a close.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niWDhkQolr0

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