Two Guys, One Lines

SNL_0130_08_Update_5_Dan_Aykroyd

Sparkles: I’ll be honest. Decided to write these lines Saturday night at Comm St pub.

Karl Hungus: You’re not the only guy who parties, Sparks.  I hosted a 3 year old’s birthday party.

S: I’ll be honest, I’m not Thunder, so I’m not really in touch with Thursday so I’ll be winging it. Let’s fucking go!

KH: I’m not Thunder either but I can fill you on on Thursdays.

S: Wrecking Balls -3 vs FC Portland. Wrecking Balls got dick stomped by Incredibowls last week. Apparently I’ve pissed GoT off and that’s okay with me. Balls have a monster team avg advantage and also they Bowl on Tuesday, which almost guarantees them a win. Oolie has been a ray of sunshine for a middling soccer squad destined to be relegated. Look for an angry Xander to drop hammers

KH: I won’t bother to add anything on this one since the game got postponed.

S: No Eye Deer -3 vs Kind and Co. NED has disappointed on so many levels this season. BTB got a Turtle Wax sponsorship that blew up in his face. I may have ruined Spidey for life #dontdraftsparkles. TBang is married with 9 kids. Other people are on this team too. I have no idea who Kind and Co is… Is says it on the schedule, but they don’t exist on the standings. I’m sorry this is not on me. Feel free to give me shit tomorrow guys!

KH: Well, Burt actually did ‘find it’.  Last week he averaged around 210 and NED knocked off the last Tuesday B unbeaten.  At 3-3 they are actually back in the chase for a B crown.  Kind & Co is B.A.R.E., led by Captain Sticky Fingers.  They have actually won two out of three, but NED is in the process of salvaging their season and can’t afford any letdowns. NED wins big.

S: Splits Happen -9 vs Strike City. Reading these team names, I totally thought Strike City was the favorite but boy was I fooled. Splits sit near the top of Tuesday B, which is Sonic the Hedgehog to Nintendo’s Mario. They pull the future reigning Team of the Year, Strike City. I honestly have no idea who the fuck is on this team but I’m pumped to see how hard they rage on a Sunday morning

KH: Don’t think I won’t give a team Team of the Year just because you guys keep predicting it.  Splits will win by a lot.

S: Swinging Richards -1 vs Turkey Club. </sarcasm> T Club is coming off an impressive win against BEER </sarcasm> E Minor almost looks like he knows how to bowl again and that fucker Ripcord grabbed his rightful spot as top douche. This match does feature the top 3 averages in the league but who gives a shit. You know Roadhouse is telling Herk to sleep in tomorrow because he wants this win more than (censored). Richards look borderline unstoppable if only Glossy would stop bowling awesome in practice but sucking fat dicks in league. Personally I can’t wait for this match if I’m alive for it.

KH: Sparkles’ obsession with BEER this year is awesome, we love the press.  I assume it’s because I said he’d collapse in doubles last year, then he crushed Miracles and won the whole thing again.  I also agree “Yahtzee” looks borderline unstoppable.  The last time they looked this dominant they lost in the Sweet 16 to a B team.  They stay undefeated today.

S: BEER -11 vs My Balls. Man did Hungus schedule some tough crossover matches. Well shit just noticed Cleveland is Top Thursday dude. Old fella might sneak a top point off of former future Shark, Trainwreck but can’t imagine them getting much more than that unless DDJ makes General Lee quit bowling again. Good news for tomorrow is it’s going to be a house shot. Thanks Hungus! Also more good news! This is crossover day so Rick Vaughn won’t look like an idiot standing on the bench!

KH:  Cleveland is the current Thursday Top Dawg, and My Balls have the top Thursday average.  Cygnus has done a pretty amazing job as a first year captain to pull that off.  Herb’n Legend is out for this one, not sure it’s DDJ related though.  Also Slow Roll has a dislocated elbow.  Rick Vaughn is coming off a 603 series so keep standing on that bench, buddy!  In for a house shot, Sparkles, put it on the Underhill tab.  BEER pulls this one out 9-6.

S: Binga’s -3 vs Leisure Rolls. Word on the street is Jerk quit the team after Gutterboy got him pregnant. Congrats bud! I had this line at -5 but knowing Gboi and his 170 avg might shoot all three scares the shit out of me. Leisure’s are leisurely rolling through the season. I really have no clue what else to say. They just look pedestrian in every aspect of everything. I can’t pick a Thursday team when Tuesday holds an 8-0 lead in crossovers.

KH: Interesting theory on the pregnancy.  Jerk is out this game, though he says it’s because he completely cooked his fingertips with a blow torch.  Ouch.  Leisure Rolls were my drunk podcast pick to be the surprise team in the Final Four.  Dutch will have only had two or three hours of drinking before game time.  Like Sparks, though, hard to pick any Thursday teams when Tuesday is 9-0 so far.

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