Thursday Lines

Thunder Early

Hungus wants you to party while you are struggling to your 130, and he’s kind of got a point.  As Sneaky Pete used to say, “If you go to Bowl Portland and don’t have a good time.  You are an asshole.”  Here here, all I heard was:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2rox2njKjA

That said if you can’t figure it out hang in there, easy pattern in 2020 for BoPo lucky #13.  Speaking of 13 DHD will smoke BUI by at least 13.

DHD (3-0) -13 versus BUI (1-1):  I may have been premature calling for the death of BUI.  My lines last week showing them and Whiskey Pete zero I repeat zero respect may have fired them up to run all over TMX:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOuAh22Ui68

Place at the table!!!!!!  Well congrats on the win guys because tonight DHD stomps the life out of you.  This is a team that literally cut Hark Attack’s wife!  Hark Attack is on the team, and that is:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APgrUnNQPQw

Man love Charlie Murphy’s buddies in background laughing their asses off at him.  That’s how we do it in Tampa baby.  Yeah so curb-stomped dude’s wife and now are curb stomping Thursday night.  G Force and Doc Moose spend more time at the lanes than they do with their wives.  You know how you share space with your coworkers more than your loved ones on average.  Yeah that’s G Force and Doc Moose they are coworkers in wasting all their hard earned cash to average 180-200 and not win a banner.  Fortunately for Doc Moose his lady is at the lanes as much as he is, so you know he is good, but right now if it wasn’t for God of Thunder, G Force would be number one in the Bowl Portland Divorce Pool.  True story played for Red Tide Ultimate as did Farmer, Munson, Peanut Gutter, Swanny, Barry, Fabio, 2 Dogs Fucking, Rocky Bowlboa, you know a few Bowl Portlanders and when I was in the junta we had a divorce pool.  Everyone in for $100 we had 27 on the team.  First guy gets divorced gets the $2,700 to pay for the legal fees, etc. to help him through the process.  Ster won.  Currently G number two in that pool, and yes, we knew it was wrong, but should it have gone down was mostly likely part Red Tide’s fault.  Ster didn’t take the money.  When he broke the news to me I told him I would round up the cash, he responded fuck that I wasn’t paying if some other asshole got divorced first.  Do the crime do the time, unless you can get out of it that’s my motto.  So yeah BUI, got mad, G Unit and Doc T chest bumped after 7/ and they snuck by TMX.  This afternoon, fake late they get the beat down they deserve.  Love you guys but I got to call it like I see it.  Side note now BUI throws haymakers at DHD trying to take them down like wild dogs.  Sorry DHD, and you are welcome Thursday A!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqThPtbKOOw

I was walking……..

Oh yeah, where were we?  Yep…….

Fake Late:

My Balls (1-2) -1 versus Touch My Xcite (1-2):  Thunder got BUI fired up and TMX knocked off.  My (balls) apologies guys, nothing personal strictly business:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2AwyNSFJiY

Yep.  These lines don’t write themselves unless they do.  My Balls B side squad gone Thursday A and out for blood.  Cygnus and Cleveland are crushing it, Lefty kicked Swanny to the curb #lickmyballs and is rocking a 170 average, and Luna crushing a 150 average.  This is a team that some Tuesday A Banner League team isn’t gonna be psyched to see second round of playoffs.  TMX can throw out 4 bowlers that average 655 right off the bat and better, won’t be enough they fall to My Balls.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPH5SQvzELQ

My Balls was hot!  I understand…..

I’m gonna come on your show and smoke some weed with you.  Any time, any time sir.  Man, My Balls taking league by storm in 2019.  #RIPBUI

Leisure Rolls (2-0) -10 versus Lion’s Den (2-1):  Two low 600 average teams square off to see who rocks the body that rocks the party:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSzxzCKyvEk

Wow beginning of the video sounds like Farmer and Cheese opening up a Rooftop Sessions podcast.  Farmer laughing at his desk in Boston right now.  I rock the party that rocks the body.  Two fun Thursday night teams gonna get fake late off to a fun start.  Dutch gets drunk at 5:45 p.m. like it’s 9:45 p.m.  Everyone knows that.  Dude pouring free beers down on the lanes by 6:30 p.m.  Doctor got good money on that, like Rams in SB, despite losing $90 on AFC Championship, that sucked.  Trust you me I blow up shop.  I think the Den is in a transition period.  This always happens when your captain quits your team to go be 5th guy on a banner league team.  Squad pieced together last minute.  Pulled Mr. Florida off the Love Board after hanging out there for like a month.  You know the original trolls led by Magic and his fastball come in and show the Den no quarter.  Ever heard someone yell “Caw, caw” while getting choked out it sounds like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAhqybKE7BQ

Dutch and the sound machine will show the Den no quarter:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mU0jobhefHI

ICBING (3-0) -15 versus Roll Another (1-1):  This is your classic piss the other team off line get them fired up and spark them to an upset line.  Problem is Uncle Buck, Bones, and crew don’t read the lines.  Dungus thinks ICBING going for a second TOTY trophy.  Please.  They were crushing last week, Peanut Gutter everyone’s favorite former ICBING captain wanted to go between his legs and 2 Dogs Fucking and Fabio said no.  He told 2 Dogs but Thunder (used my real name-never guys, everyone knows the rules), 2 Dogs screamed, “Fuck (real last name)!”  Team of the year my ass.  These guys brought in some left-handed tool with an arm sleeve, no offense to other tools that wear arm sleeves, who has like 52 Brunswick 300s to win a short banner.  Don’t get my wrong TDYOB is probably going
Thursday B next year to try and get our own short banner, but if we bring in an arm sleeve guy to do it I will have to:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Df8lVSjx7AE

ICBING goes to 4-0, pretends to drink a Kamikaze pitcher and quite frankly I would be surprised if they don’t choke away a B title this year.  And then here is 2 Dogs and the UREA! haters:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qi1LMIUOOAI

Bowled and the Beautiful (2-1) -3 versus Bowlderdash (1-2):  Fun Thursday B Match in the offing here.  Here is Saw trying to get out of a funnel despite serious peer pressure being applied by El, Mayor and Strike:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCY6xAsmaes

Here is Beaujolais and Ruby watching Whiskey Pete and his special lady friend having a picnic:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oEaGn-HlSNk

Damn Thunder:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHbL9MFtzZU

Bowlderdash been at this for a while.  Michael B, Boyz, Sweet Taint, Mo Ink they all know the drill.  Also, I need to apologize to Pineapple for calling her out on rolling 95 on regular, must have led her to a 93 because now she has a 94 average.  Pineapple that’s my bad, remember hang in there and no one cares.  If you ain’t Tuesday A, and thank you to LOS for getting one, you ain’t getting a banner, so come to lanes, have few drinks, few laughs and throw them at the pins, also never get greedy.  You got that huge split 6 over here 3 over there 1 over, just go for 3, you ain’t getting 4, until you do!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiIBQRu8fTQ

Saw and crew pull this one out in a back and forth match while Ruby spends the whole time complaining about ball reaction.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYzAEjXyCMs

Easy Ruby it’s just ball reaction.  #YouSaidSmyC

Pinny Candy (2-1) -1 versus Lesbowlians:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GZlJGERbvE

I never roll at 5:45 p.m. because in my world it is hard to party at 5:45. If anyone can pull it off it is the Lesbowlians crew, which will pull longtime rivals Pinny Candy into the early shift party, and then it is welcome to Jamrock!  Farmer gave you the breakdown last week in regard to candy names, I go Gummy Bears, Gummy Bears, Gummy Bears, Reece’s Fast Break, 3 Musketeers, that sounds like me, Munson and Farmer, I digress.  Both teams are loaded with multiple players which means it is hard to handicap, and both teams get it, this is a fun ass thing to do on a Thursday, so everyone show up, and we will take it from there.  Hungus asked this week on a snow day post, where the party at?  Have we gotten older?  Yes.  Everyone doing dry January to get over Draft League Binge and Holidaze?  Affirmative.  Dude it’s January this thing runs right through late April kid.  We are pacing ourselves.  Like you said it’s a party you can walk into every week.  Walk into this party tomorrow and you will see Tilt and Bubba leading a righteous early shift party with long time BoPo team Pinny Candy.  You start to think this league all about a banner you will forget what it was and is really about:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUdkxptteew

Wow that is literally not what is about at all.  Number one looked like an idiot, and no one ever said set em up party down.  How many beer leagues lead to a permanent league residence?  #ONE

You ever hear someone say “Set em up party down?”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpecBkdpiK4

Big Party looking like dry January going great in that clip!

It’s Thursday let’s get loose!

Here is PayDay after the match:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EbsWmHzChw

Now remember there are a few rules.  Chill out, stay in your lane, don’t take any of this too seriously, tip well, have fun, and get loose.  Let us never forget this is Bowl Portland, for those of you that know you know, for those of you don’t know you will know:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAtJiQ0XanA

THURSDAY!!!!!!

 

Farmer Late

Quite a storm over the weekend!  Here is how BoPo tried to get to the lanes in the snow/ice:

https://twitter.com/cctv_idiots/status/1087690925361561601

Not Precious, he went skiing:

https://twitter.com/GKTFO/status/1064799322754244608

Now that we have reached week 4 of the season, it’s starting to become apparent what kind of bowler you are, and how your team is doing this year.  There’s always a few surprises early in the year as everyone gets their bowling legs again, but by this time your average is starting to stabilize, and now it gets real.

Special note for the 12 people reading this:  we are recording the first podcast this Sunday.  So do something big this week and hear about it on the show!

Also, pitchers of any beer are $20 for BoPo!  So you can get some good stuff for a great price tonight:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2G-9cCSz6FU

I have late, here we go:

Guacabowle (-1) v. Guns of Brighton – This is the toughest of the late matches to predict.  Guns rolled very well last week in a win over TDYOB, with Holden, Jon Moon and Seatown all looking great.  Seatown is looking especially strong, she is a difference maker for GOB.  Guacabowle had a tough start to their schedule, but they are good bowlers, and both Badger and Mitch are looking great lately.  They have four dudes over a 170 average, and I think that depth will get them the points they need this week for a victory.

Don’t mess with old man Jon Moon, just ask young whippersnapper Dick Whitman:

https://twitter.com/Ffs_OMG/status/1085579053824905224

Average Eskibros (-1) v. LOS – LOS is heavily dependent on attendance driving their scores.  They have a roster of 8, yet only 4 showed up last week.  Corn Nut delivered a 184 (lifetime high, nbd), Strike Dancer was dropping 140s, but Cheeses and Stiffy, especially Stiffy, couldn’t cover the big scores of DHD.  I foresee a similar story this week, as the depth of Average Eskibros get just enough points for the win.

Stiffy, maybe give this a try, it’ll help your average:

https://twitter.com/Ffs_OMG/status/1087831123382677504

According to Dr Harold Shipman (@drdeath69), “Even Roy Munson couldn’t do that”.

I have it on good authority that the Eskibros will be exceptionally fired up tonight for the match.  They just did an awesome Parkour session around Portland to fire themselves up.  Dentist killed it:

https://twitter.com/i/topics/tweet/1085547120847974400

TDYOB (-7) v. Tattoos and Titties – Bork will get back to their winning ways this week after dropping to 1-2 on the season last week.  Tattoos and Titties are thinking of revoking Rubby’s bowling privileges, the guy is driving the struggle bus (but with a huge smile on his face as always).  Borkers will cruise in this one.

Thunder is on a great exercise kick of late, crushing it at the gym.  Here he is all amped up pushing some weights around:

https://twitter.com/Ffs_OMG/status/1085953211729698817

Did you know Train Conductor is a former state champ in the hammer throw?  I didn’t know it either:

https://twitter.com/Ffs_OMG/status/1087409371401936897

Capt Spare-O, a man of many talents:

https://twitter.com/GKTFO/status/1086684785303527425

Urea! (-3) v. Pinups – Let’s not forget Urea! Went unbeaten last season until the playoffs.  They are a great team.  C-Murda and Casual T are leading the charge, and they can more than cover anything Manson and Silky Pete can throw at them.   And MacBalls, so you know, C-Murda is the dude who throws a backup ball.  Feel free to introduce yourself:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LzdKH1naok

Happy Hands Productions (-5) v. Strike City – Getting Strike City is sort of like a bye week for the bowling, but certainly not for your liver.  They rage, bring a ton of fun, and generally get a couple of spares every game.  And maybe even a strike or two.  I’ve been giving some thought to the reasoning behind their struggles, and I think it’s the simple fact that these guys love to party.  Take a look at The Brush pranking Max Ship and his sub 130 average:

https://twitter.com/Ffs_OMG/status/1087713329215426560

Happy Hands is quietly finding themselves in a great spot in Thursday B, and hope to continue their strong start and sit in one of the B playoff spots.  Chunk already has 2 200’s, and enters with a top 10 average on Thursday.  Mookie Oak and Marv Gomez are also above 150, so they’ll get a comfortable win this evening.

Let’s bring the party tonight…did you know these guys are coming to Bayside next month?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYwndYSA6-U

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