Thuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuursday! Favorite day of the week. The work week is almost over, and we all get to go to our favorite party of the week, have a blast, and then only have to fake our way through one day of work before we meet for some Friday Happy Hour rolling.
Huge shout out to Hungus for delivering on a great celebrity roller last Thursday in TDYOB Alternate Jon Van Hees. Pro bowler, great guy, and after a 6-spare for the early matches he crushed a strike to kick off the late matches. Roll Bork!
And also another shout out to Hungus for doing some sweet lines this week. Here’s a clip of young Hungus giving his rap game a try:
Early Game of the night!
LOS (-1) v. Guacabowle – Both of these squads should end the season in the upper echelons of Thursday A. Guac has been off to a tough start, going ahead 5-0 after 1 game twice only to lose the match. Its all pre-season until the playoffs, but Guacabowle will want to get some wins under their belt pronto as the season proceeds. But not tonight.
This match has two cool sub-plots: First is the matchups for big scoring Cheese/Precious/Stiffy threesome against the big scoring Mitch Cumstein, Badger, Sparetime (sometimes) and Dick Whitman (also sometimes). Who will get those high points? The match also features some newbies to BoPo in Strike Dancer for LOS and Dump Truck for Guac. Both are new to the game and are on the upswing, but their scores will be critical as every point will be important in this match. In the end, though, I think it’s a close LOS win, followed by the Twin Towers sending their ladies to the spa and having a great weekend with their favorite snacks and movie of all time:
Rooftop Sessions is back, and thanks to Cheese for his work on the show. This week’s lovefest is great, by the way. Luna and her ball tech Cygnus X1 joined Mo $, Hungus and I for some great BoPo chatter. Cheese is always a little quiet on the show, so I thought I’d compile all his best quotes into one clip as we try to get him to talk about LOS:
Bowled and Beautiful v. Touch My Xcite (-3) – Touch has made a ton of changes this offseason, and so far so good as they opened with a win last week. Squatch led the way with an 180+ average, nice way to make a positive first impression on the new squad. I think that the B&B crew may be in for a season with lots of losses, and I don’t see them being able to overcome Touch this evening.
Ruby Canary said Adios to Guacabowle and joined B&B, and led them in average week 1 with a nice 169 average. But she may be looking around a little worried if she is going to be their ace this year. The team also added Strike Tyson, who should get better over the season, but too little too late for B&B, and Beaujolais and company will fall to 0-2. After her Draft League season with Too Much Seven losses, at least she’s used to it.
Here is a look in at 8-bit and Uno’s band singing about waiting to bowl after Mr. Mayor:
BUI (-9) v. 5 Finger Discount – Don’t sleep on BUI. They are legit and will be top half of Thursday A. Lots of mid-level depth on that team, and they will crush 5 Finger this week. Snapshot, fresh off his title as King of the Roof, is upping his game lately, check out how he commutes to his matches now:
Local masseuse (sorry, massage therapist) Duke Thunderwood is back rolling the scores that made him a stud in the first place, and I am hearing rumors that Hexy may switch to roll a regular hooking ball instead of a back-up ball….is this true? Will she put herself in the stats as 2 different bowlers if that is the case, a la Rick Vaughn in Draft League? Whatever you choose, Hexy, is good with us. You are a hero for doing the BoPo stats for us, and on behalf of the league I would like to extend our thanks.
5 Finger is in a bit of a transition after the departure of Rinny Love, Natro, and Coco from last year’s squad. Dutch has been rolling well, and Sundown had a nice week last week, but that’s about it so far for this team. Rufio will need to coach up her new teammates to get some points in this match.
Happy Hands Productions (-7) v. Bad News Spares – Happy Hands vets Max Shipp and Mookie Oak had a baby last year, and they showed us all how you can keep bowling with a tiny addition to the family. But this year, that tiny addition can walk, and has figured out how to manipulate it’s parents with a smile, a frown, or just crapping it’s pants again.
This will be a harder year to practice than last year for HHP, but they’ll be fine against perennial party fave Bad News Spares. Kate Middlepin and Gutterpussy led the way for Bad News Spares with 131 averages, but that’s not enough this week, and HHP eats a W.
Please don’t anyone do this…simply put, its just not a good look.
Balderdash v. Urea! (-3) – Boys McKracken is hoping to dethrone Double Cheese, Rick Vaughn, and Roy Munson (just kidding Spooky!) as king of the Afternoon Delight rolling session. The dude is putting in a lot of work. Trust me, Boys, there can be too much of a good thing. Actually, forget I said that. More is better. Especially when we are talking about BoPo. Here is Swee Amm explaining why more is better:
New look Urea! moved from Thursday A to Thursday B, and they will find the move results in lots of wins. One thing that I think would be a blast about moving is that you would then get to meet a ton of new people that you haven’t bowled against before. Which is why I want to take this chance to again lobby for a promotion/relegation system where the top 2 from B move to A next season (if they want to), and the bottom 2 from A move to B (they get no choice in the matter…if the B team wants to move up, they move down). Would be a neat way to make sure you battle to stay out of danger of moving, but the penalty is that you get to bowl against a bunch of new fun BoPo people! OK, off the soapbox.
C Murda and Casual T are leading the way for Urea!, and their averages are way higher than anyone on Bowlderdash. Each of them also notched a 200 in week 1. Urea! takes this one.
Pinny Candy (-7) v. Puds Taxi – Pinny Candy opened with a tough 8-7 loss in which they averaged higher scores than their opponents. Tonight, they get a win and send Pud’s Taxi home safe (and drunk). It’s nice to see the return of Dink Mastercard (love that name) to the squad. Hopefully he is enjoying his return to the league. Pud’s is also sporting another new bowler in Debito Martinez…this team has some great names! Here are some other great potential bowling names:
Payday is leading the charge for Pinny Candy after week 1, and their depth will carry them to a comfortable win over Pud’s taxi tonight.
Let this tune guide you into our Thursday Night. She is talented as fuck:
Waldorf got the late lines this week, thank fucking Christ because the early shift is a Snooze-Fest and almost put me to sleep last week. My apologies to Boyz and Big Ern for not knowing who was on long standing squad Bowlderdash! Boyz got himself a banner this fall blacking out during an epic run through the semis and finals and should be bestowed all the grandeur that goes with such lineage:
Here is Hungus exercising before the Thursday matches, as Munson would say, “You exercise?”
Now that we cleared a couple things up let’s get into some late lines.
Leisure Trolls (1-1) -10 vs. GOB (1-1): Seeing that GOB has a win they must have played one of those under 600 average teams like Lions Den, B&B, Spare of the Turd, Five Finger Get Yourself a Win, or T&T not dynomite!!!!! Wow Thursday A is so much more forgiving than Tuesday A and Thank God for that! D$ has been on a tear for the trolls and stands atop the stats page at 229.8 decent pickup by Magic. Hard Knox has come out strong as their #2 showing that good things really do happen to those that wait. Nurple early leader in GOB clubhouse, but end of day the trolls will have too much for them. Here is Hand and Holden breaking down the match after the game:
Lion’s Den (1-1) -15 vs Tattoos and Titties (0-1): In a battle of what should be Thursday B teams expect a soul shakedown party tonight when these lunatics get together. Not sure if newlyweds Rubbys and Red Empire will be in the house, if they are Rubbys will be in rare form and ready to get down and party with the bongo hitting gutter loving folks from the den. It is a mismatch on paper. Rick Vaughn has been hot T&T haven’t rolled a game over 600 so while I expect this to be an old school party off the lanes I expect a white wash on them. Let’s hope Captain Caveman doesn’t hit another telephone pole on the way home ruining another MIST tournament. Here is Captain Caveman attempting to woo his lady:
YB2 (1-0) -5 versus TDYOB (1-1): Glossy Mexican has flown the coop and is spending this match in Milwaukee:
Thunder took it up a notch a poured a beer over Glossy’s head at the Yes Brewing tap takeover! Guys not gonna be at the match and Thunder shit all over him. “That’s how we do it in Tampa baby!”
Glossy’s beer has gotten shaggy as hell, dude is lucky he didn’t drown. All Day is mad pissed Hexy didn’t give her credit for a 185 average and she is out for blood. Munson has been something of an ace with a 198 average but he won’t be enough especially with Side Salad rolling two games. YB2 wins easy. Here is Salad after the match:
Anybody in this league not have a fucking beard? Bunch of fucking hipsters!
Here is Farmer and Thunder with Salad after he got off stage:
Party Mix (2-0) -15 versus Turkey Club II (Linguists): The only thing lower than Linguists team average is their originality when it comes to team names. Their Captain I think he/she goes by the bowling name of Hee-Haw asked Hungus if they could change their team name to Turkey Club. I love it that these cats never heard of the team that lost in the finals every year the league has been in existence. Hungus responded, “Hell to the no!” so Hee-Haw and gang settled on Bowlhemian Strike City, which is a great team name and a great play on words since their leading bowler is Magnus at 130, oh shit Captain is Magnus not Hee-Haw that is the captain of Yathzee. Waldorf’s bad. Wow new party team in town, love it, they get killed by the 562 and feeling great about it Party Mix. All aboard the douche canoe.
Word on the street is Hakeem brought old flat kegs of Yes Brewing to their tap takeover. Classic Hakeem! Here is Hakeem and Bowl Murray after the match:
Literally get a fucking room guys. Welcome aboard Bowlhemian, glad to have some new blood looking to get down.
Game of the Night:
Roll Another (1-0) -1 versus FC Chuckit (1-0): This is an old school Thursday B throw down. Uncle Buck is off to a hot start. Oolie isn’t on the stat page so maybe he isn’t in the league. RIP Droolie. Ram Rod cannot walk on ice and snow after drinking a keg during the early match and wants to start an emphysema hut. Wut What will be game to throw down. I favor the Package Burn Unit and crew in a back and forth down to the wire match that will feature strikes, gutters, drinks a plenty and a lot of ass shaking, you know excactly everything that Bowl Portland is about:
Hopefully Bones makes it out tonight, poor guy feeling under weather as his COPD has been acting up.
PinUps (1-0) -1 versus ICBING (0-2): TDYOB’s developmental squad ICBING is off to a slow start still reeling from the loss of their co-captains Clarified and Peanut Gutter. Never count out Two Dogs Fucking when they are down. Actually don’t do anything near Two Dogs Fucking when they are down.
Silky Pete, Pay Day and Twizzler are all off to good starts, I see them having too much firepower for the ICBING squad. ICBING has like 10 people when Rocky isn’t out to sea and they roll them all win or lose. And I am chalk full of that! Here is Two Dogs pregame speech:
This motherfucker’s dead!
Let’s go Thursday night it is almost Friday let’s get loose!