Greetings from sunny Tampa, Florida, reminding the doctor why the hell do I live in Maine in the winter?!!!?!? Literally 70-85 entire time down here. Still the show must go on, and although Bork is trending downward and we on a bye, Florida isn’t a hard place to spend a night off from the best bowling league in the entire world! BoPo in the house! As I type Squatch is trying to power Thursday to their first win over Tuesday A on the season! And he did, Squatch Thursday’s Buck Ripcord smoked defending champ XXX Club in two, then laughed about it while complaining about the DJ, again.
Well there goes Sparkles and DDJ. Come on Squatch that is so Tuesday. Then Guac easily rolled former team of Destiny circa 2009 making Thursday 2-4 on Fake Thursday, let’s see what Fake Thursday A teams fall tonight.
DJs it’s on you too right, it’s not that hard to play something that we can get our mindz into and bob our heads, see no one moving check and change that shit, someone gives a request eventually play that shit. We didn’t come to watch your show, you came to watch ours, give us what we want and you will ee something you have never seen before. Ask Atomik and DJ 212, everyone knows MC means move the crowd:
Standing by the speaker. I got early so let’s get this snoozefest over with. I get it, rush to get there, stressed out, DJ warming up, hard to party early shift, but come on it ain’t illegal. Look last Thursday was embarrassing the energy and partying was total shit. We have fake Thursday coming to our house this week let’s show them how we do! Did you guys come to party or not?
SOD (2-4) -15 versus T&T (0-6): SOD has been a disappointment this year. Rev and Couch leading way at 187 and 178, to hear DDJ tell it you would think these guys were averaging in the 140s like me. McX is next with 168, Diesel has gone full Thunder on this pattern and is lost without a clue. Fortunately for them speaking of the doctor, this is just what the doctor ordered. T&T walks in 0-6 and cannot hit the broad side of a barn. Which is fine because they aren’t really trying, they come to the lanes looking to get loose and have fun and they will have a chance at a win when they play Spare of the Dogs in would should be a blacked out blood bath. Little known story Diesel and Booth met in college, despite neither of them ever graduating from college. They realized they had a few things in common, drinking to black out, safety meetings and not talking to girls. Here they are when they first met:
OC (3-4) -15 versus Spare of the Dogs (0-7): Spare has scored 10/105 getting 9.5% of their points this season and averaging and are averaging 1.4 points a game. That’s some fucking sabermetrics right there, take that Bill James you old pedo you! If there was a WAR theirs would be -1,000,000. Just a mess on the lanes this year. Casual 85 has been a huge vibe pickup but also a huge reason they average 1.4 points a match, may she rest in peace. OC was left for dead by the podcast guys at the beginning of the year and have shown some life. Word is Natro may have beer foot again and Tron is one more sad sappy sucker post (who am I to talk) away from his next 103, but they will bring life to the early shift as they throw down with one of Thursday’s true bring the party, night in and night out, squads; things looking up for the Thursday party this week. Seriously looking over the matchups we have a big chance to have a Thursday early party like we haven’t seen in a long time. Get it!Here are Tron and Pineapple before game:
Five Finger (3-4) -2.5 versus Roll Another (2-4): Bones gets let out of the house this week because it’s an early game, watch out here comes a 115 to a theater near you. Rufio has got the rebuild working and the team is pointing in the right direction. Slugga has done the heavy lifting rolling every game of the season standing at 21 and a 151 something average. Strong work. Poto, Rufio, Log Jammer and Squirrelly prove too much for Uncle Buck and crew and even up at 4-4. Here is Hard Body with the squad after the match:
Wow Hard Body took that loss hard, one of the most f’d up movies I’ve ever seen, fortunately that ahole gets what is coming to him. Not Hard Body the dude in the scene.
PinUps (3-4) -5 versus Granola (3-3): Granola’s 3 wins is shocking, it’s not like they have played Strike City 3 times? Lady luck has shined on the men and women granola. Little known fact Granula was invented in Dansville, New York, by Dr. James Caleb Jackson at the Jackson Sanitarium in 1863. The Jackson Sanitarium was a prominent health spa that operated into the early 20th century on the hillside overlooking Dansville. … At the time, several people claim to have revived or re-invented granola. And here I was thinking that Colucci Kid invented Granola. I stand corrected. PinUps closed down Bayside last Thursday which is code for they got asked to leave. I’m with ya, last I checked bars close at 1 a.m. and this league used to have post-games. Now chairs are being stacked and the lights are on like it’s freaking the strip in Vegas just as you put the finishing touches on that 116 and you are like guessthe partyis over. Well there is a post-game it’s at Howie’s, lightly attended lately. Bowlton, MacBalls, et al do enough to even their record and uneven Granola’s. Here is MacBalls and Lil Lane Master after the match:
Ladies, you may want to slow it down a bit.
Happy Hands (3-3) -14 versus Bad News Spares (1-5): The ladies and gentlemen of porn, sounds like the Cali cartel, but of porn. HHP has a significant pinfall advantage and look to stay in the hunt for a Thursday B title, all you need to do is make the playoffs to stay in the hunt. Sasha runs a tight ship she will not let Chunk whose name doesn’t fit their team criteria, Mookie Oak, and the crew take BNS lightly. Her she is firing up the team at the Hunt and Alpine club before the game:
Wow you could say Sasha wants this one holy smokes! Meanwhile Strike a Pose was firing up BNS like this:
After that team was like:
That’s why they call it dope. Wow these teams were in completely different places before kickoff. Happy Hands went to Hunt and Alpine and it got crazy, BNS went to Gutter Pussy and 3 Hole Punch’s apartment and things got weird. These two long time Thursday squads lock horns early and it gets weird:
Pinny Candy (4-2) -3 versus FC Portland (2-3): Oolie texted me and told me that they hit an all time low when they lost to BNS and he was just glad he wasn’t there. I said dude I suck I am (was) a 139 guy, he’s like you would be the second best bowler on our squad. I said let’s talk in the offseason. In other news Office Space came out 20 years ago this week and now I feel closer to death than ever before. Here are the Rod bros interviewing Lou Dawg before he quit the team:
That is likely to be Oolie in the offseason as he pursues his next opportunity. Wow things seem to be off at FC but if anyone knows how to circle the wagons, jump on the benches and crank up the vuvuzela it is this crew. They will give long time rivals Pinny Candy all they can handle as they party on the fresh like only FC Portland can:
Damn that is one hell of a party, well it is Thursday! Pinny Candy not down for those shenanigans they psyched to have the early shift, and will want to mop the floor as quickly as possible with FC and back to Augusta to make this thing tick as good old JM signing off on bills that actually help people again, thank you for your service Pinny Candy:
Wow Pay Day has been in the real deep shit!
Well looks like that’s it for Fake Late, that about wraps her all up, things seemed to work out pretty good for Ram Rod and Oolie, and it was a pretty good story, don’t ya think, made me laugh to beat the band.
Thursday vacation week let’s bring the energy and take down as many Fake Thursday teams as we can, Dungus been talking a lot about Tuesday over Thursday record well…
Man, I hate that fucking song. Get us off to a hot start Thursday Early:
Thursday got 99 problems but Tuesday ain’t one, ask Bingas and XXX Club!
One more time for your………