Playoffs

Oakie gonna lay down some playoff lines for those that need details:

http://www.bowlportland.com/draft-playoff-info/

R.I.P. The Management, Too Much Seven Losses, Happy Hour Losers, Short Cock Violation, Tea with Mrs. McGuil, Skol Fucked, Fuckdafino, and Cakeballs.

https://giphy.com/gifs/ha-puTOmvC98O40w

Bunch of fucking losers. Now for the people that didn’t fall flat on their faces like Space Farmer and Danny Diesel we have a wild play-in format best of 5 Baker Style matches where literally anyone can win or lose team average and all that shit goes out the window. Captains need to choose one person to sit each game it is just a mother fucking shit show. I can see why my boy Blunder was trying to forgo this at all costs well that was until they got murdered 10-0 by Glossy and crew despite averaging 720. Ouch!
Here is Rick Vaughn and Farmer when they car pool to the lanes:

Let’s get to forecasting some Baker lines:
Shitzzengiigles (5-6) versus Das Strike Machine (6-5) -1: Both these teams are God awful with around 650 averages and quite frankly I don’t know how either team made it this far. Here is Short Dick Whitman after reading the lines:

Dude, chill the fuck out. So, let’s see who these teams have, for Shit on all season, they have the newly sober Deputy, Dick Du Douchebag who says he is going to start keeping a low profile and being nice to everyone, so they can win team of the year this year (good luck with that dude), Luna, Twinkle Toes, Sad Julian who couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a boat and Corn Nut. Picking 5 of them to roll is going to be hard. DDJ rolling hottest I’d say he anchors with Deputy in the 4 hole flip a coin from there. For Das, we have Dick Whitman who can’t hit the broad side of a bus and bitches about getting 175s when he is a 172 guy.

As far as Oakie is concerned anyone under 174 totally blows. They also have Das Ducken, Keglinger, MacDabbin, Slugga and Badger. I was favoring the gang in orange, but after seeing Dick’s total roster I think they are deeper and will string them together better than Deputy’s squad and advance to play BumblebeeTuna Thursday Early. Badger versus DDJ at anchor will be fun to watch then after match DDJ can join all the other losers where he belongs:

Hexy Hooligans -2 (5-6) versus Liquid Talent (5-6): Liquid Talent started fast then fell on their faces. Squatch got all butt hurt about the lines crushed at a 195 clip, then we left the kid alone and he fell flat on his face all the way down to 177. Good average, but to get from 195 after 4 weeks to 177 you have to be rocking a steady 150 clip that will get your ass kicked. C Murda has one of the most unconventional rolls in the league and is usually too drunk to see, but it’s an early match so he should be able to stay upright, oh shit these games start at 8 yeah C Murda won’t be able to C the lanes. Couch will sack up as always, this cat is a great addition to the league and will be joining Sons of Danarchy. Couch not sure if you’ve seen their uniforms bro, let’s just say time to start hitting the gym and crushing the curls. See Blunder if you need a curls for girls workout plan. He used to say if his arms had holes he would fuck them. There is something not quite right with that boy:

rounding out Liquid Used to Have Talent is McStriker, Rubbys who no one wanted guy got traded 5 times this year, and Crow Bar. Well enjoy your last time together on the lanes guys:

Hexy has no problem sitting herself and will most likely throw out Precious, Crackerjackoff, Stay Free, 8 Bit and Mr. Mayor to do her bidding:

That disturbance in the force you are feeling is the end of Liquid Talent’s season thanks for playing Draft League 2017 hope you had as much fun as I did, now:

Got Wood? (5-6) versus Winter is Here (5-6): Got Wood? had to have a ton of help and beat Rufio without Doc Moose and it all fucking happened landing them here. Hey Duke T you dance hot:

Duke brings Doc Moose, Mokkiki, Rinni Love, Ruby Canary and El Hombre to the party to square off against Rick Vaughn, Mitch Drunkstain, G Unit, The Dude, Ice Ice and Too Koops. I expect this to be a tight match going right down to game 5 as Rick Vaughn bangs a gong and gets it on:

Here is Rick and Mitch at Howie’s after the game:

That’s My Son! (6-5) -3 versus Always Flushed (5-6): The Flushed crew is coming off a rough weekend. Holden Green spent the after party at Howie’s throwing up all over the bar then the next day all over his apartment to the point where he thinks he may have thrown up a Demogorgon, for those Stranger Things fans this means we are seriously fucked. Holden get your shit together kid. Sparkles drove 6 hours by himself to Canada for the 60th Wedding Anniversary for some people he doesn’t even know. Spidey had no clue these guys were real life alcoholics and he added Shooter Sparkles on again off again flame who has been known to start a fire in a garbage can when shit doesn’t go her way, literally someone you do not want to fuck with rounding them out are Train Conductor and Sally Bowls who most likely haven’t had a strike all year, so they will take turn sitting out and getting open frames. Other side you have Blunder’s first ever postseason eligible Draft League captained team. That jerkoff got a 149-average last year and didn’t fuck up his draft bringing in most likely the best energy squad in the entire league with Jamaican Jerk, Burt The Bandit, Lil Pickle, Side Salad, and Gutterlicious who recently went pregnant official. Congrats, Sasmquach I literally didn’t think you had it in you:

Thunder and Jerk have won a PBA Baker Style title together and then next year had a strong defense run so they have a long-storied history of crushing pins in Baker. Oakie thinks they roll in this one and get the chance to fuck up Big Party’s Hellraisers on Thursday.

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