Last night I had a dream, When I got to Africa,
I had one hell of a rumble.
I had to beat Tarzan’s behind first,
For claiming to be King of the Jungle.
For this fight, I’ve wrestled with alligators,
I’ve tustled with a whale.
I done handcuffed lightning
And put thunder in jail.
You know I’m bad.
I have murdered a rock,
I’ve injured a stone, and hospitalized a brick.
I’m so bad, I make medicine sick.
I’m so fast, man,
I can run through a hurricane and don’t get wet.
When George Foreman meets me,
He’ll pay his debt.
I can drown the drink of water, and kill a dead tree.
Wait till you see Muhammad Ali.
Where are our little urban achievers? Have they discovered that what they really need is a hand-up and not a handout? Tut mir leid, but no such empathy will be emanating from the StrikeWerke that is Die Gassenjungen.
The Dirty Half Dozen used our bye last week to hole up in Wudang Mountain retreat with the White Eyebrow Hermit to perfect and adapt “Monkey Steals the Peach” for the lanes. Said move will be employed in moments of desperation during Finals. Consider this a fair warning.
[If you have to ask: http://liquidangst.com/myspace/bong/Monkey_steals_peach.jpg
To our little urban achievers: We hear you are children of promise. In fact, you are wholly without the necessary means for the necessary means of a win this Tuesday. Prepare to receive an education.
Body to body, body to body
Heart to heart
Body to body, body to body
Heart to heart
Looking in your eyes tonight
I can see everything I need
Holding your heart close to mine
Feeling you, breathing you
We melt together, two become as one
Night is burning hotter than the sun
When I’m with you
When I’m with you
I could drown in your eyes
Die in your arms
Live for these moments here in the dark
I don’t know where I end
Not sure where you start
When we’re body to body, heart to heart
Body to body, heart to heart
Body to body, body to body
Heart to heart
Breathing every breath with you
Next to you is where I need to be
Part of every part of you
Feeling you feeling me
We melt together in a tender kiss
No night has ever been a night like this
When I’m with you
When I’m with you
I could drown in your eyes
Die in your amrs
Live for these moments here in the dark
I don’t know where I end
Not sure where you start
When we’re body to body, heart to heart
Body to body, heart to heart
Body to body, body to body
Heart to heart
for you darling lesbowls. a band-aid for the heartache quickly approaching. and keep in mind, we have decided to become the official cheerleading squad for whichever team destroys us in the playoffs. with you it would be easy. not like some of the cadavers out there pretending to be alive. and butch, i’ve definitely got my eye on you. happy rolling, lovelies….
Lucky for you all that My Balls have a bye tonight because this morning on the farm I heard the gobble of wild turkeys when I was feeding the horses in the back pasture. I couldn’t even make that up if I tried. Barry can vouch. An auspicious way to start a Tuesday. I will pass the luck of the wild turkey on to all the underdogs tonight. Bowl on, bowlers!
Alright, Posse… We heard you guys were saucy - so we’ve gotten the nice china down from the top shelf, polished up the silverware, and honed the cutlery to a lethal edge. We appreciate the meal preparations y’all have been making since the bracket came out: seasoning your raw flesh with a tasty spice rub. I think your recipe has promise, but here’s some recommendations: respect and awe do have a certain alchemy that bring out that rich earthy flavor of game, but I’d add a heaping tablespoon of fear to help char your skin nice and crispy. Speaking of which, you should open up your skin a little with a tenderizer, so the coarse salt that is the agony of defeat can really seep in. We’re gonna get the oven really blazing so the suffering will hopefully be minimal for ya. Just remember to keep yourselves well basted with all that Sauce. Honestly, it’ll all be worth it when you see how very much Die Gassenjungen enjoys devouring you - bite by bite, mouthful by mouthful. Don’t worry. We wouldn’t dream of wasting a single morsel. You can rest in peace that we’ll make sure to chase you with an icy brau…
hey, come on people. it’s like the playoffs. you’re no less important than anyone else is in the grand scope of things, so like let’s hate each other and drag each others names thru the dirt and stuff. life is short. bowling is forever. once you get perspective you don’t need it. know what i mean?
So who stands to profit the most from this last minute rule change for the tourney? Has the Commish caught whiff of a final four berth for his own team? I, for one, smell something fishy here. I don’t buy the whole “no one has abused the rules in the regular season, so feel free to bring in the ringers for the playoffs” bullshit. This ain’t Nam.
are corpses allowed at the lanes? our lord and master would like to be their for our final ass-whooping of regular play. whichever way the whooping goes.
there was some pre-decay before he was actually found but he got the fluid soon after. were gonna gussy him up. don’t nobody need to worry. except our own souls. which we lost collectively in a poker game last year. so no skin off our backs.
last night i had a dreamasm (that’s a really good dream). i talked to a hillbilly. threw pillows at spider webs. and saw a dead chick with a silver gown and silver shoes with wings on them. oh, and we completely decimated some team called the turban believers or some such shit. lala la la la life is but a dream. and you know who has my word that i will not be creepy or crazy. probably. to the lanes!!!!!!!
Hey y’all — can someone gimme a ride out to the lanes tonight?? My “friend” Uli says no traitors allowed in the “Death Wagon” — It’s for the best, though, he’d probably murder me, or at least Tonya Harding me before the game
Just wanted to let the Young and the Bowled know that articles of impeachment are being drawn up in committe right now. It would be prudent for them to submit their resignation ahead of tomorrow’s match to avoid undue embarassment. You can always pull one of the cliches out like: we wanted to spend more time at home with our families because they come before our bowling team, the stress on our bodies has gotten to the point where it is in conflict with the ability to carry out our day jobs. Perhaps you can offer a concession speech like: “We have fought a good and noble war on the lanes. We have rallied 14 bowlers from all walks of life to join the fray. Alas, with the unfolding of recent events, and the prospect of facing such a fierce and merciless adversary as Die Gassenjungen; this is one battle in which we must decline to engage.”——It’s up to you, Y&B. You’re gonna be ousted from office one way or the other.
Listen, Germans, we’re ready to rock your world tonight. We’re bringing in people all the way from Texas to provide the shit-talking like none that you’ve ever heard. You know what they say, “Don’t Mess With Texas.” Germany doesn’t even HAVE a motto (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_state_mottos), which must leave you saddened with a lack of direction. It’s ok if you want to cry a little in the corner, next to the “deejay.”
Also, try to hide your jealousy at the diversity of our players. Strength in numbers!
well well lord hungus. we do the creeping. we do not roll another. we find higher ground just by being puddly. drift? i cannot believe how beautiful the alley is. drift? come sail away, come sail away…..
no more fun and games, danny diesel and the rock-em sock-em Ringas posse is out for blood. last weeks lanes conditions were comparable to that of Off Constantlys humor… dry. thus contributing to game 3’s performance (beer aside). also a little side note, what’s the deal with us not being able to bowl before league anymore, we were told that it was because they were going to be oiling the lanes and whatnot, but this was clearly not the case! thanks cranky lanes!
Just checking to see if any Young & the Bowled dared start the smack talk for the big game yet.
Seeing none, I can only assume that Special K and gang are writing up a pre-emptive press release explaining the coming loss to the Lesbowlians - if not at bowling then in the dancing competition.
An agonizing whisker away from glory last night. I’ve never felt so drained after League night before. Harlyn P come home, we need ye.
Well bowled, Off Constantly, well bowled, looking forward to the rematch in the finals.
Bubbles is pulling a Tron - I’m out 3 in a row. But then…I’m back on it straight through to playoffs, so watch out. Balls, I charge you with beating BEER tonight. And drinking my share of beer.
I don’t need no writeups to talk shit. DMB should get used to feeding off the bottom of the Power Fam Div ’cause there ain’t gonna be no mercy next week from Die Gassenjungen. We are slowly but surely asserting our authority over the ne’er do wells of BowlPortland, and you just happen to be the next on the chopping block. Es ist vertig…
Big talk from the team that is only half a point ahead of DMB and has a lower average…. Put your balls where your mouth is, Die Gass. Or something like that. See you at the lanes.
Hey. I just talk the shit. Nowhere does it say that we have to back it up. Nevertheless, next week you’re losing - or are you gonna flee Yankee Lanes four in a row?
No Bubbles, no glory, eh? I have more faith in my balls than that. In fact, I sent good vibes and a handful of suisse francs for a pitcher of beer. These Balls can roll in any combo. That said…did we win?
All I gotta say is - watch out for Pud’s Taxi come playoff time. The mullet is so cool its distracting. And the Lesbowlians learned the hard way about their Secret Weapon. Damn!
Yeah I know we can be inconsistent…. well that is if you don’t take into account our average, which is better than 19 other teams in the league. I’m glad we beat this week’s spread by 11 points. Looks like you need a need christal ball Commissioner Jafar (Aladdin reference, I know).
Die Gass is takin six points from BEER. No less. Cheddar - move ovah, there’s somethin’ better. Roy - at the end of your rainbow you’ll find a pot of mold. Hungus - you are the fungus among us.
When I say six, I mean six-teen. You’ll be signing over Week 1’s points to us by the time we’ve had our way with you. B.E.E.R. stands for: Bowels Evacuating Every Roll…
btw, Madonna is the queen of pop so bow to her! If you had a vagina, like me, you’d understand. Yes i am asexual. It’s ok because I come from La isla BONITA. just like a prayer is borderline my lucky star.
They wouldn’t let me play Madonna, either! All I gotta say is that there are more divas. They can get better (Kylie) or worse (Celine) depending on how much Cher & Madonna I get each week.
All right - fess up. Who put Yankee Lanes up to limiting my Cher (May She Always Be On Farewell Tour) song selection to two per night? And, um…no Madonna! If you think you can throw me off my game with your mind tricks, think again…
Butch–the bowling league? I don’t know–ask Hungus. I urge us to all adopt pig latin as our preferred method of smack talk. Or should I say, igpa-atinla. BTWs, nice work last night!
Hey Ulli - Achtung dieser Woche - wir werden euch nicht gewinnen lassen - niemals!!!! Du solltest aus dem weg bleiben oder es konnte schrechlich sein…wir sind Lila Haze.
Second game of the season and Little P (The-Bowler-Formerly-Known-As-Princess) is already throwing Hambones . . . brothers and sisters better watch out for the DHD Ladies Auxiliary.
To answer your question simply, yes… but as we stated in our write ups this past tuesday we feel that we do not resemble a cold, calculating, and incredibly destructive Arnold from T2… but feel that we more or less resemble Arnold from T1, a better more commendable machine bent on the completion of one mission and that is the protection of the Bowl Portland trophy. Watch yo backs
Reporter - I can only speak for myself but: I hang out on off nights because I have discovered the juke box has an abundance of Cher (May She Always Be On Farewell Tour), and my iPod has been acting up. Also, the shoes are sweeeeeeet.
Improve my game? Seriously? How does one improve on Great? Or in my case, Semi-Okay?
It seems to this reporter that more and more induhviduals are hanging out at the alley on off nights. Could it be for the cheap beer? Maybe it is the large selection of music in the jukebox? Could it be they are trying to improve their game? Maybe pick up a few pointers?
Hey Nihilist, it’s sweet you’re concerned about The Young and The Bowled’s increasingly awesome game. Especially sweet since NOTHING HAS MEANING TO YOU.
And we’ve made a team decision that it’ll be likkah, not beer, that will hydrate us during our power plays.
Has Danny Diesel recruited a team of bowlbots from the planet Striklon? The way they joylessly splatter pins reminds one of a cold, calculating, and incredibly destructive Ahnold in T2. Are these things here for the greater glory of BowlPortland - or are they programmed to see all opponents as mere obstacles in their path to total league domination?
The Sweet Rolls were so nice last night. We all did a group hug afterwards! And we got four of the point thingies, too!
But watch out, bitches. Now that I know about that whole “foul line” thing and not to eat french fries during bowling (so the ball slipped a couple times in my second game - sue me), we’re ready to kick some butt.
Yo, all–the Strikes of Hazzard will be pregaming at our sponsor, Dockfore, for tonight’s game.
Just wanted to throw that out there. We will be there at 6pm.
Yo, double M! You just posted a threat publicly. Brilliant. If you manage your team as well as you plan your crimes, Die Gassenjungen is lookin’ like PRETTY strong favorites tomorrow. What you don’t know is that Scott Moore (of Moore’s Pro Shop, Sparetime Recreation, Lewiston) cast a spell upon my ball. We are now magically bonded. I know where it is, and it knows where I am. It can cry out for help, and I will rescue it. In return for my loyalty, it delivers strikes. . .
Uli, just wanted to remind you that you are NOTHING without your fancy new ball. I’d keep an eye on that baby if I were you. Take it everywhere with you, because the moment you put it down I swear to God that thing will be gone, and so will your 178 scores. Mark my word…
How many teams are simply just going to just show up? I mean just drag their sorry work-a-day asses into the joint? I challenge each and every member of BowlPortland to bring it like they mean it. Kick off the season with some m-effin fire! My team’s GOT IT. Just sayin’.
Some teams don’t need to rely on patron saints, false prophets, pagan rituals or voodoo talismans for success. While you’re bowing to your bowling gods, others will be exercising their nihilistic freedoms with a hellstorm of rolling thunder and hailing pins.
FYI you guys, I will be defending that After Party title. And my team will be right there, too. Look for the Balls at the bar - we’ll be the ones with a PBR in our right hands and a whiskey in our left.
Look out because I am on a strict diet of anything out in front of me sprinkled witha bit of baconnaise. Yeah you read it right. baconnaise.
These 10 pins standing in front of me will tremble in fear and fall down as soon as I unleash my Lane Masters The Answer!! All 16 pounds of it. Rolling off my fingertips that are powered by baconnaise!!
This bowling joint better have baconnaise or I am out.
You hear that Bingas? I am out. I will drop you like I dropped the “roto grip cell” I used last season.
119 comments
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmaHGY7BEog
Last night I had a dream, When I got to Africa,
I had one hell of a rumble.
I had to beat Tarzan’s behind first,
For claiming to be King of the Jungle.
For this fight, I’ve wrestled with alligators,
I’ve tustled with a whale.
I done handcuffed lightning
And put thunder in jail.
You know I’m bad.
I have murdered a rock,
I’ve injured a stone, and hospitalized a brick.
I’m so bad, I make medicine sick.
I’m so fast, man,
I can run through a hurricane and don’t get wet.
When George Foreman meets me,
He’ll pay his debt.
I can drown the drink of water, and kill a dead tree.
Wait till you see Muhammad Ali.
[Reply]
JELTZ! Reply:
April 6th, 2009 at 7:14 pm
“If you even dream of beating me you’d better wake up and apologize.”
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What goes on at the lanes, stays at the lanes.
[Let's just say it wasn't such a hot night for the red teams.]
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Classic MDG Commercial Dedicated to Team Off Constantly!
Go get em’ boys!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBloleTrZM0
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Uh oh, team. We might have to ditch the whole ‘peaches’ approach to this match. Here’s some footage of The Strikes training this week… http://www.kungfufightingnow.com/kung-fu-training-methods/chinese-shaolin-kung-fung-groin-training/
[Reply]
JELTZ! Reply:
April 1st, 2009 at 7:29 am
SUPERNUTS!
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Where are our little urban achievers? Have they discovered that what they really need is a hand-up and not a handout? Tut mir leid, but no such empathy will be emanating from the StrikeWerke that is Die Gassenjungen.
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D. Fingers Reply:
April 1st, 2009 at 6:32 am
No need to toss smack at you Uli, the Urban Achievers game speaks for itself.
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cuppy Reply:
April 1st, 2009 at 8:24 am
then let the game speak. cuz that sentence made me puke in my mouth.
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Uli Reply:
March 31st, 2009 at 10:49 am
your silence will turn to pleas for mercy
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not to augment, but weird performance category seems a tie to me. so 7.5 to 7.5 leaves us where?
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Natro Reply:
March 30th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
You’ve never seen the man’s version of “Caravan” on The Last Waltz, have you?
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cuppy Reply:
March 30th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
there is no doubt ‘the man’ obliterates the vandross in the realm of ‘what the f***’. i’m just going by the chosen examples from lord hungus.
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Uli Reply:
March 30th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
‘the dude’ obliterates “the man” any day of the week.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytkXlSg97ZA
The Dirty Half Dozen used our bye last week to hole up in Wudang Mountain retreat with the White Eyebrow Hermit to perfect and adapt “Monkey Steals the Peach” for the lanes. Said move will be employed in moments of desperation during Finals. Consider this a fair warning.
[If you have to ask: http://liquidangst.com/myspace/bong/Monkey_steals_peach.jpg
[Reply]
cuppy Reply:
March 30th, 2009 at 9:44 am
my ma always said……”you gotta split that peach before ya eat it son.” so you get on in there and split that peach, riggs. we’s on your side.
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To our little urban achievers: We hear you are children of promise. In fact, you are wholly without the necessary means for the necessary means of a win this Tuesday. Prepare to receive an education.
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Body to body, body to body
Heart to heart
Body to body, body to body
Heart to heart
Looking in your eyes tonight
I can see everything I need
Holding your heart close to mine
Feeling you, breathing you
We melt together, two become as one
Night is burning hotter than the sun
When I’m with you
When I’m with you
I could drown in your eyes
Die in your arms
Live for these moments here in the dark
I don’t know where I end
Not sure where you start
When we’re body to body, heart to heart
Body to body, heart to heart
Body to body, body to body
Heart to heart
Breathing every breath with you
Next to you is where I need to be
Part of every part of you
Feeling you feeling me
We melt together in a tender kiss
No night has ever been a night like this
When I’m with you
When I’m with you
I could drown in your eyes
Die in your amrs
Live for these moments here in the dark
I don’t know where I end
Not sure where you start
When we’re body to body, heart to heart
Body to body, heart to heart
Body to body, body to body
Heart to heart
for you darling lesbowls. a band-aid for the heartache quickly approaching. and keep in mind, we have decided to become the official cheerleading squad for whichever team destroys us in the playoffs. with you it would be easy. not like some of the cadavers out there pretending to be alive. and butch, i’ve definitely got my eye on you. happy rolling, lovelies….
[Reply]
Butch Reply:
March 25th, 2009 at 8:43 am
Great game last night. You’re lucky, we were catching fire at the end. Another 90 frames, and we would have gotten our 8 points.
Oh yeah. I said it.
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cuppy Reply:
March 25th, 2009 at 9:16 am
indeed! we love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Lucky for you all that My Balls have a bye tonight because this morning on the farm I heard the gobble of wild turkeys when I was feeding the horses in the back pasture. I couldn’t even make that up if I tried. Barry can vouch. An auspicious way to start a Tuesday. I will pass the luck of the wild turkey on to all the underdogs tonight. Bowl on, bowlers!
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Uli Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
thank you for bequeathing your Turkey Power!
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cuppy Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 9:11 am
BUBBLES!!!!
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Alright, Posse… We heard you guys were saucy - so we’ve gotten the nice china down from the top shelf, polished up the silverware, and honed the cutlery to a lethal edge. We appreciate the meal preparations y’all have been making since the bracket came out: seasoning your raw flesh with a tasty spice rub. I think your recipe has promise, but here’s some recommendations: respect and awe do have a certain alchemy that bring out that rich earthy flavor of game, but I’d add a heaping tablespoon of fear to help char your skin nice and crispy. Speaking of which, you should open up your skin a little with a tenderizer, so the coarse salt that is the agony of defeat can really seep in. We’re gonna get the oven really blazing so the suffering will hopefully be minimal for ya. Just remember to keep yourselves well basted with all that Sauce. Honestly, it’ll all be worth it when you see how very much Die Gassenjungen enjoys devouring you - bite by bite, mouthful by mouthful. Don’t worry. We wouldn’t dream of wasting a single morsel. You can rest in peace that we’ll make sure to chase you with an icy brau…
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K. Nash Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 10:27 am
I don’t even understand the words you’re using.
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cuppy Reply:
March 25th, 2009 at 9:42 am
i bet you understand defeat.
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Uli Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
layperson’s terms: we is gonna eat you for dinner…
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donny osmond Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 8:34 am
and where were you in the seventies. totally coulda used used used ya.
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hey, come on people. it’s like the playoffs. you’re no less important than anyone else is in the grand scope of things, so like let’s hate each other and drag each others names thru the dirt and stuff. life is short. bowling is forever. once you get perspective you don’t need it. know what i mean?
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Uli Reply:
March 23rd, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Shut the fuck up Donny! You’re way out of your element. Why don’t you quit trying to start a riot and instead inspire us to greatness?
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donny osmond Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 8:36 am
I never smile unless I mean it.
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So who stands to profit the most from this last minute rule change for the tourney? Has the Commish caught whiff of a final four berth for his own team? I, for one, smell something fishy here. I don’t buy the whole “no one has abused the rules in the regular season, so feel free to bring in the ringers for the playoffs” bullshit. This ain’t Nam.
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woot! The Young and The Bowled once again dominated last night! watch out, we’re the underdogs and we’re crawlin our way to the top!
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are corpses allowed at the lanes? our lord and master would like to be their for our final ass-whooping of regular play. whichever way the whooping goes.
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Uli Reply:
March 13th, 2009 at 8:53 am
Has Pud been embalmed, or are we talking full on decaying flesh here?
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cuppy Reply:
March 13th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
there was some pre-decay before he was actually found but he got the fluid soon after. were gonna gussy him up. don’t nobody need to worry. except our own souls. which we lost collectively in a poker game last year. so no skin off our backs.
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Uli Reply:
March 12th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
I DO know that brandishing a firearm is strictly forbidden during league play.
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cuppy Reply:
March 12th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
but using them is cool. right?
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did i happen to mention it was a dream……….?
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last night i had a dreamasm (that’s a really good dream). i talked to a hillbilly. threw pillows at spider webs. and saw a dead chick with a silver gown and silver shoes with wings on them. oh, and we completely decimated some team called the turban believers or some such shit. lala la la la life is but a dream. and you know who has my word that i will not be creepy or crazy. probably. to the lanes!!!!!!!
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Hey y’all — can someone gimme a ride out to the lanes tonight?? My “friend” Uli says no traitors allowed in the “Death Wagon” — It’s for the best, though, he’d probably murder me, or at least Tonya Harding me before the game
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Just wanted to let the Young and the Bowled know that articles of impeachment are being drawn up in committe right now. It would be prudent for them to submit their resignation ahead of tomorrow’s match to avoid undue embarassment. You can always pull one of the cliches out like: we wanted to spend more time at home with our families because they come before our bowling team, the stress on our bodies has gotten to the point where it is in conflict with the ability to carry out our day jobs. Perhaps you can offer a concession speech like: “We have fought a good and noble war on the lanes. We have rallied 14 bowlers from all walks of life to join the fray. Alas, with the unfolding of recent events, and the prospect of facing such a fierce and merciless adversary as Die Gassenjungen; this is one battle in which we must decline to engage.”——It’s up to you, Y&B. You’re gonna be ousted from office one way or the other.
[Reply]
Special K Reply:
March 11th, 2009 at 4:31 am
Uli, maybe we can take you out for a non-German beer as a consolation prize?
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Queequeg Reply:
March 10th, 2009 at 8:24 am
Uli, you are just lucky I am not going to be there tonight to call you names in Pennsylvania Dutch (which we know is just a bastardization of Deutch).
But let it be known you are a heevahava of the highest degree.
Leck mich am Arsch, Uli!!!
[Reply]
Special K Reply:
March 10th, 2009 at 10:57 am
QQ, you amaze me more and more every week.
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Special K Reply:
March 10th, 2009 at 6:17 am
Listen, Germans, we’re ready to rock your world tonight. We’re bringing in people all the way from Texas to provide the shit-talking like none that you’ve ever heard. You know what they say, “Don’t Mess With Texas.” Germany doesn’t even HAVE a motto (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_state_mottos), which must leave you saddened with a lack of direction. It’s ok if you want to cry a little in the corner, next to the “deejay.”
Also, try to hide your jealousy at the diversity of our players. Strength in numbers!
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cuppy Reply:
March 9th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
nice
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looks like three livers needs to stop shakin that ass and start shakin some pins
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“That’s the one downside of no Bubbles – the team may need help channeling all its emotions.”
I believe you may have intended to write that’s “one of the downsides of no Bubbles.” I’m sure that’s it.
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well well lord hungus. we do the creeping. we do not roll another. we find higher ground just by being puddly. drift? i cannot believe how beautiful the alley is. drift? come sail away, come sail away…..
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when is the after game at nomia?
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Uli Reply:
March 1st, 2009 at 7:42 pm
You’ve given up on the Treasure Chest?
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cuppy Reply:
March 2nd, 2009 at 8:55 am
yeah, they’re not too keen on me coming around anymore. let’s just say mousetraps and glory holes are a one-sidedly funny affair.
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Just need to give a big shout out to the Lesbowlians own Tilt A Whirl - the BowlPortland record holder for a woman bowler in a game.
205 girl! Woot Woot! Two - Oh - Five!
Amazing what happens when She Who Shall Always Be On Farewell Tour returns to the jukebox. Just noting that the two coincided…
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FYI you guys - today is FAT TUESDAY. See you at the bar. And on the lanes. And then at the bar again.
Big Brother Dude, my balls are on fire. Watch out.
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no more fun and games, danny diesel and the rock-em sock-em Ringas posse is out for blood. last weeks lanes conditions were comparable to that of Off Constantlys humor… dry. thus contributing to game 3’s performance (beer aside). also a little side note, what’s the deal with us not being able to bowl before league anymore, we were told that it was because they were going to be oiling the lanes and whatnot, but this was clearly not the case! thanks cranky lanes!
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JELTZ! Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 10:24 am
Yes. More warmup/booze time!
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sagging water drip on the smell frame. gala sparkles for freeze pop. in the gram pok hunky doo.
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Uli Reply:
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:03 pm
surface of stickily cold. don’t tongue the sheer crystal. grooves of tasty irony. aluminumee, too. and molybdenum.
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cuppy Reply:
February 24th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Q. Why do you bowl?
A. Why do you human?
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Just checking to see if any Young & the Bowled dared start the smack talk for the big game yet.
Seeing none, I can only assume that Special K and gang are writing up a pre-emptive press release explaining the coming loss to the Lesbowlians - if not at bowling then in the dancing competition.
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Special K Reply:
March 9th, 2009 at 9:04 am
ugh! i can’t believe you wrote this. let’s note who is 5th in our division and who is 7th.
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An agonizing whisker away from glory last night. I’ve never felt so drained after League night before. Harlyn P come home, we need ye.
Well bowled, Off Constantly, well bowled, looking forward to the rematch in the finals.
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Hey! Check out Mainetoday.com! Pics of most of the teams…
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looksh like pudsh has put on some weight.
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Bubbles is pulling a Tron - I’m out 3 in a row. But then…I’m back on it straight through to playoffs, so watch out. Balls, I charge you with beating BEER tonight. And drinking my share of beer.
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who’s talkin’ smack about my body? :]
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I don’t need no writeups to talk shit. DMB should get used to feeding off the bottom of the Power Fam Div ’cause there ain’t gonna be no mercy next week from Die Gassenjungen. We are slowly but surely asserting our authority over the ne’er do wells of BowlPortland, and you just happen to be the next on the chopping block. Es ist vertig…
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Bubbles Reply:
February 9th, 2009 at 8:20 am
Big talk from the team that is only half a point ahead of DMB and has a lower average…. Put your balls where your mouth is, Die Gass. Or something like that. See you at the lanes.
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Uli Reply:
February 10th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Hey. I just talk the shit. Nowhere does it say that we have to back it up. Nevertheless, next week you’re losing - or are you gonna flee Yankee Lanes four in a row?
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No Bubbles, no glory, eh? I have more faith in my balls than that. In fact, I sent good vibes and a handful of suisse francs for a pitcher of beer. These Balls can roll in any combo. That said…did we win?
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All I gotta say is - watch out for Pud’s Taxi come playoff time. The mullet is so cool its distracting. And the Lesbowlians learned the hard way about their Secret Weapon. Damn!
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Special K Reply:
February 17th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
what is the secret weapon!?
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Yeah I know we can be inconsistent…. well that is if you don’t take into account our average, which is better than 19 other teams in the league. I’m glad we beat this week’s spread by 11 points. Looks like you need a need christal ball Commissioner Jafar (Aladdin reference, I know).
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Big Ern Reply:
February 4th, 2009 at 5:47 am
Note to self: Don’t write smack talk after having a few drinks… Maybe more than a few. Really, my grammar is better than that.
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Hugh Manatee Reply:
February 3rd, 2009 at 7:57 pm
Maybe we’d roll better if we did some quotes from Borat…. or even better Austin Powers. Psych.
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Die Gass is takin six points from BEER. No less. Cheddar - move ovah, there’s somethin’ better. Roy - at the end of your rainbow you’ll find a pot of mold. Hungus - you are the fungus among us.
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Uli Reply:
February 1st, 2009 at 7:01 pm
When I say six, I mean six-teen. You’ll be signing over Week 1’s points to us by the time we’ve had our way with you. B.E.E.R. stands for: Bowels Evacuating Every Roll…
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Karl H. Reply:
February 2nd, 2009 at 8:00 am
You did nail our acronym…you will crap your pants in fear every time we roll. You are insightful.
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btw, Madonna is the queen of pop so bow to her! If you had a vagina, like me, you’d understand. Yes i am asexual. It’s ok because I come from La isla BONITA. just like a prayer is borderline my lucky star.
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Butch Reply:
February 1st, 2009 at 6:10 am
They wouldn’t let me play Madonna, either! All I gotta say is that there are more divas. They can get better (Kylie) or worse (Celine) depending on how much Cher & Madonna I get each week.
You’ve been warned…
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All right - fess up. Who put Yankee Lanes up to limiting my Cher (May She Always Be On Farewell Tour) song selection to two per night? And, um…no Madonna! If you think you can throw me off my game with your mind tricks, think again…
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Butch–the bowling league? I don’t know–ask Hungus. I urge us to all adopt pig latin as our preferred method of smack talk. Or should I say, igpa-atinla. BTWs, nice work last night!
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Next week: no more cough syrup shooters before League.
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Sie alle sollten Ihre leiblings braunen Hosen, denn wenn die Zeit kommt, Sie werden Scheisse machen. Es tut mir leid. Es ist das Wille des Volke.
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Special - so it’s now fair to say that the League is pushing English only legislation?
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Can I request english-only? I can’t smack talk in German. Or whatever that it.
Bring it, Great Lost Spares!
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Ich denke trash-sprechen auf Deutsch ist lustig. Aber das ist nur mir…
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Hey Ulli - Achtung dieser Woche - wir werden euch nicht gewinnen lassen - niemals!!!! Du solltest aus dem weg bleiben oder es konnte schrechlich sein…wir sind Lila Haze.
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Where are all the meatheads? I only see potheads.
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Who’s gonna be the high average bowlers in the “Non-Meathead” category?
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Second game of the season and Little P (The-Bowler-Formerly-Known-As-Princess) is already throwing Hambones . . . brothers and sisters better watch out for the DHD Ladies Auxiliary.
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To: Iseenbetter
To answer your question simply, yes… but as we stated in our write ups this past tuesday we feel that we do not resemble a cold, calculating, and incredibly destructive Arnold from T2… but feel that we more or less resemble Arnold from T1, a better more commendable machine bent on the completion of one mission and that is the protection of the Bowl Portland trophy. Watch yo backs
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Reporter - I can only speak for myself but: I hang out on off nights because I have discovered the juke box has an abundance of Cher (May She Always Be On Farewell Tour), and my iPod has been acting up. Also, the shoes are sweeeeeeet.
Improve my game? Seriously? How does one improve on Great? Or in my case, Semi-Okay?
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It seems to this reporter that more and more induhviduals are hanging out at the alley on off nights. Could it be for the cheap beer? Maybe it is the large selection of music in the jukebox? Could it be they are trying to improve their game? Maybe pick up a few pointers?
All of these questions and not many answers.
This reporter wants to know……
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barry, its your turn!
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Nihilist: we won 11-4. I hope that has meaning to you.
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Special K, winning has meaning to me.
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Hey Nihilist, it’s sweet you’re concerned about The Young and The Bowled’s increasingly awesome game. Especially sweet since NOTHING HAS MEANING TO YOU.
And we’ve made a team decision that it’ll be likkah, not beer, that will hydrate us during our power plays.
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Booze IS a religion, pal.
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Hey Special K, I think you all on the Young and The Bowled are going to need a lot more than practice. Maybe you could look towards religion or booze?
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Has Danny Diesel recruited a team of bowlbots from the planet Striklon? The way they joylessly splatter pins reminds one of a cold, calculating, and incredibly destructive Ahnold in T2. Are these things here for the greater glory of BowlPortland - or are they programmed to see all opponents as mere obstacles in their path to total league domination?
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The Young and The Bowled got some of those point thingies too last night…and we’re practicing this weekend, so look out!
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That is all I am going to say….
Well, Ok maybe a one more thing, Can they make it the game a little harder? Trying to knock 10 pins done in 2 tries?
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The Sweet Rolls were so nice last night. We all did a group hug afterwards! And we got four of the point thingies, too!
But watch out, bitches. Now that I know about that whole “foul line” thing and not to eat french fries during bowling (so the ball slipped a couple times in my second game - sue me), we’re ready to kick some butt.
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Riggs - I expect proof that you are the Ninja tonight. I will be waiting to see that sweet dance move post roll.
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Yo, all–the Strikes of Hazzard will be pregaming at our sponsor, Dockfore, for tonight’s game.
Just wanted to throw that out there. We will be there at 6pm.
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Smuggled from the Dirty Half Dozen training camp:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agOBrwg4BQE
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Yo, double M! You just posted a threat publicly. Brilliant. If you manage your team as well as you plan your crimes, Die Gassenjungen is lookin’ like PRETTY strong favorites tomorrow. What you don’t know is that Scott Moore (of Moore’s Pro Shop, Sparetime Recreation, Lewiston) cast a spell upon my ball. We are now magically bonded. I know where it is, and it knows where I am. It can cry out for help, and I will rescue it. In return for my loyalty, it delivers strikes. . .
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Uli, just wanted to remind you that you are NOTHING without your fancy new ball. I’d keep an eye on that baby if I were you. Take it everywhere with you, because the moment you put it down I swear to God that thing will be gone, and so will your 178 scores. Mark my word…
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Hey Gassenjungen - Frisst Das meine Fruende!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gC0sIwcAi1A
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How many teams are simply just going to just show up? I mean just drag their sorry work-a-day asses into the joint? I challenge each and every member of BowlPortland to bring it like they mean it. Kick off the season with some m-effin fire! My team’s GOT IT. Just sayin’.
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JELTZ DOES NOT TAKE ADVICE FROM WHINY NIHILIST CRYBABIES.
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t-minus one week, happy hands productions best be working on their games because bingas wingas is bringing the heat… real hot
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Some teams don’t need to rely on patron saints, false prophets, pagan rituals or voodoo talismans for success. While you’re bowing to your bowling gods, others will be exercising their nihilistic freedoms with a hellstorm of rolling thunder and hailing pins.
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Strikes & Spares: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLFfCstnIFE
A little Varipapa primer for the League (he’s still the Dirty Half Dozen’s patron saint, get your own).
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I should totally get a handicap based on CO2 emissions.
I say we have postgame at the mighty Black Bull Tavern at least once and then go pass out at the ferry terminal.
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FYI you guys, I will be defending that After Party title. And my team will be right there, too. Look for the Balls at the bar - we’ll be the ones with a PBR in our right hands and a whiskey in our left.
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Look out because I am on a strict diet of anything out in front of me sprinkled witha bit of baconnaise. Yeah you read it right. baconnaise.
These 10 pins standing in front of me will tremble in fear and fall down as soon as I unleash my Lane Masters The Answer!! All 16 pounds of it. Rolling off my fingertips that are powered by baconnaise!!
This bowling joint better have baconnaise or I am out.
You hear that Bingas? I am out. I will drop you like I dropped the “roto grip cell” I used last season.
See you suckas soon.
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