Early Lines

Hope you all enjoyed the All Star game last night!  We are entering the second half of the season, time to dial it in and prepare for the playoff push!  And if you are like me, and have little chance to make the playoffs, then time to dial up the party!!

Before we begin, great job BoPo for raising $1300 for Boys and Girls Clubs of Portland in memory of Skittles!  The awesomeness of this community never ceases to amaze me.  And congrats to Bora Bora for winning a 2019 PBA Pass in the raffle!!  Well done Mo$, Pineapple, and crew for organizing a great event.

Big week for me….I celebrate my birthday tonight and then tomorrow leave for a week in India.  I started taking my Malaria pills, but no hallucinations yet.  For the record, I am not visiting the Rajneeshpuram, this is a work trip.  And I will not be riding any horses I see on the street:

https://twitter.com/dumbdrunkpeople/status/1047458730021990400

I fully plan to go out on a high note before my trip, thanks to some practice on Sunday and a tip from Cpt. Insanal.  Busy week of prep for my trip so lines are a bit shorter this week.  Next week I have a sub for the lines, should be fun to read them from 7,022 miles away!

Early Matches:

There Will Be Strikes (-5) v. UDFA – UDFA can’t catch a break.  They played the other expansion team last week in Just The Tips, and Iceberg and crew proceeded to drop 3 700’s on them.  That was one of their best shots at a win, and now they have Hungus, Two Tab Tango, and There Will Be Strikes to deal with.

Word is this match may move to late….that won’t impact the result, but will prevent UDFA from getting a 7th loss earlier in the night.  Crackerjackoff will get his point (probably), but I don’t see how Danks, Hey There, Mr. Peanut or OMG Becky will get theirs…it’s not like they are playing BTTTTR or anything, this is There Will Be Strikes!

Hungus decides to impart his wisdom on West and his classmates at career day circa 2032.  Clearly he hasn’t softened a bit:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7HD2xG92-0

Tango after the match:

https://twitter.com/dumbdrunkpeople/status/1046859227942330368

Drama Llamas (-3) v. Cocktails and Dreams – Remember when Glossy was 3-0?  That was many weeks ago and I see C&D getting their 4th straight loss this evening to a Drama Llamas team that may actually be good.

Drama Llamas placed 3 bowlers in the All Star team with Nut Sauce, Luna, and DDJ getting in.  Cocktails and Dreams have Sparkles and Glossy, but the bottom half of their roster can’t keep up with the Llamas.  Throw in Cygnus and his 174 average, and it’s another win for Dick and company.

Bet you never knew Nut Sauce was a cop back in the day before moving to Maine:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bJKbCwsEIM

Sex on Saturdays (-1) v. X-Force – Some would call this an upset in looking at the standings, but Sex on Saturdays have a better team average and the top bowler in the match with Gutterboi.  Xander did his best impression of Gutterboi last week, going off with huge scores all night.  But like most of us hacks, that’s not the norm, so he’ll roll like a regular dude again tonight.

Dick Whitman, Gutterslut, and Bora Bora are all rolling well, and add a bit of depth to Sex on Saturdays.  If they roll the way they have been, they should be fine.  I knew Howie’s Pub was doing well, but did you know Dick Whitman bought a Tesla?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOuD3KJ-a7w

I see X-Force’s T$ as the wildcard in this match, but eventually you are what your average says you are, so I don’t think it’ll be enough to topple Dick Whitman and friends.  At least they have the positive vibes of MacBalls to feel good about:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eab_beh07HU

Bowler’s Union (-5) v. BoPoSapiens – I still love the BoPoSapien name, but Bowlers Union are very good and will notch another win this evening.  Free bowling belongs to the #3 man on Bowlers Union with Squeaky G, and it must drive Cheese nuts to not have free bowling for once.

Cheese did a bit of gardening this summer.  You know how when your friend plants a few cukes, maybe some zucchini, and suddenly they are over-run with produce?  And every time you see that person, they share their bounty?  Well, looks like that has happened to about 25 people in BoPo:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvQ0Vqh2oTE

To quote our fearless commissioner:  #WeedIsTheNewZucchini

Don’t sleep on Bowler’s Union…they are a sleeper pick for the semis or better.  Nobody is catching Buck Ripcord for top average, but Mitch Cumstein may get second if he keeps it up.  These guys are good.

Nuclear Banana (-3) v. Magic’s Gathering – Hard to ever pick against Nuclear Banana.  But when they play a team that lost to BTTTTR, it’s even harder.

Magic’s Gathering picked up a tight 8-7 win last week to stay in a playoff spot, and picked up a big head to head tie-breaker with BTTTTR Also (if that tie-breaker exists).  The Dentist finally rolled like a guy who didn’t ride the short bus to school back in the day, and he credits his success to the love he was shown in the lines last week from Fluff Head.  Well, Fluff Head ain’t walking through that door, Dentist.  150s here you come.

Nuclear Banana is stacked.  And stacked teams don’t lose to regular teams.

Pullout Couch (-3) v. Draughts on Tap – Walter has assembled a great team, even if they look nothing like a team.  You’ll be able to ID them as the guys without matching shirts down on the lanes.

Not sure what to make of Cheddar’s team.  Couple weeks ago they won without him.  Then last week they lost with him.  Cupcake is considering pulling a Tanya Harding on this guy so they can get some wins. Paging Jeff Gillooly, please report to lane 16…

Southpaw and Cleveland are enough to make this interesting, but in the end I think Pullout Couch gets it done.  Look for Stayfree to be the difference in this one for another win for Pullout Couch.  And then Ginger Ninja does this to celebrate:

https://twitter.com/holdmyale/status/1045740324176433152

Is the guy in this clip (and Nut Sauce’s clip) the inspiration for Southpaw’s mustache?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBZzniiSWdg

Have fun tonight….I know I will!  Here’s one of my favorite tunes from some groovy Indian dudes (Asha means hope by the way):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lM7H0ooV_o8

Namaste!