Well the Quarters and Semis are here. 8 powerhouse squads except for Cape Fear left. Here is Dick Du 141 after getting his shit kicked in against BEER 9-1 on Tuesday night.
Well that and something about the lanes being tricky and being the last loser standing at the bar. Round of applause for Sharks, LOS, NED, Bowl Trolls, Guacabowle, BUI and Touch My Excitement on being top 16 and excellent years for all these squads. NED and Trolls are like, jokes on you we still playing for a banner. Grudge match in B finals everyone on both these teams has slept with everyone on the opposing team at least once. More to come on that.
Now let’s get to some real live action, the BoPo XI last 8 teams standing Quarterfinals. Tomorrow night around 10:30 p.m. our Bowling Ball contestants will be announced and there will be two, but we all know:
Oddballs -8 versus Cape Fear: On paper Cape is the last Cinderella. They are all drunk as hell and cut their teeth bowling exclusively at Bayside Bowl because someone told them it would be fun. North Paw says he has never gone under 200 in the playoffs. Thunder told him he didn’t think that sounded right. NP said that was true, but he is a 170 guy that averages 185 in the playoffs. Farmer and Thunder also went on to say that sounded suspect too. South Paw wondered allowed what the hell were all the ringers doing in the league. They were also both psyched that Pip was in Boston and would miss Thursday, and they went on to add that Soccer Dud sucks in the playoffs. Sounds like a tightly knit team of the year candidate. They finished off their Abbott and Costello routine saying that Dentist is joining Oddballs next year.
Brooklyn has put together quite the crew. He’s got two moms on the squad that have kids in the league. He’s got a lefthanded NASCAR dude, a dude that goes to work after BoPo, the Doctor would get fired on the first day, his little brother who could give Jerk a good run for his money for most stoned in the league and Brooklyn himself who had a huge year, averaged a 205, won the NCAA Bracket Bowloff, read all the lines and listened to all of the podcasts; one of the most underrated all in BoPo dudes in the league. They will allow Cape to get in 18 holes Saturday without having to worry about coming to the lanes to bowl Saturday. I see it over in two, but if Cape gets hot watch out.
Speaking of PBA weekend:
Marrying a Porn Star never ends up like you think it will. Trust me I know.
Doctor missed most of the PBA party seemed like another great one. Big changes needed on the Lumberjacks we will not tolerate another losing season. We are New England fans the boo birds will come out. I’ve got an “All Access” pass I refuse to tolerate another losing season.
Speaking of losers Yahtzee and Saucy are squaring off in the GAME OF THE QUARTERS!!!!
I am finding this incredibly hard to handicap this match. Both teams are loaded. La La hysterically tried to tell me they are ringer free. Rookie please, Cheddar is one of the original ringers in this league along with the washed-up Oz and washed-up Jerk. Oz and Nuber put on a show for the ages Tuesday night with Oz narrowly beating Nuber 118 to 117. I suck, and I only went under 150 twice all season long 136, 147. One must work to get those scores. Big changes coming for OC. Oh, time to put a stake in the ground.
Yahtzee -1 versus Saucy Posse: Saucy brought in two of the biggest ringers in BoPo history in Nut Sauce and Splinter. Took them two years to get that title. When they didn’t win year one I said good fuck them, then Walter almost died, Hot Sauce got good thanks to the tutelage of Splinter and Beef went full beef in the playoffs. Title. It was bitter sweet for Walter another BoPo through and through dude because he almost died, had a ton of organ failure, a colostomy bag and his dong no longer worked. Rough way to get your first banner. So, Walter wants this bad, so he can roll his way to this title. I love Walter but fuck your repeat. The Doctor will not abide a repeat. So as much as it pains me to say this, let’s go Yahtzee. These guys get a bad wrap due to Chedd Beat kicking ball returns, walking out on tabs, stalking pros and taking pictures of blue oil from his knees. Get off your knees Cheddar you are blowing the game. They are all home grown having put in a lot of work at the lanes. Sparkles goes full PBA experience every year dressed up like Macho Man Savage, Tango pukes on the bar and rips off cardigans, La La makes mad Fat Heads, unreal costumes, does a lot of Bayside design work, Deputy is as good a dude as you will meet and Shooter is a full out BoPo bowler party machine and everyone is like “Fuck them!” Well fuck you, stick to fuck you Cheddar and leave the rest of these cats alone. Yahtzee is a blast and if anyone can take out the reigning champs in the Quarters it is Yahtzee. This is not a quarters match Saucy wanted. Yahtzee does not fear them and looks forward to throwing down with them. Guess what feeling is mutual Saucy will give them all they can handle. Nut Sauce has never fully mastered this pattern and driving 5 hours to make games may have taken its toll. Splinter has been making too many bowling ball fluff videos with Cheese to really care much about a repeat. Say want you want about Chedda but the guy is a big game pin assassin. That creep can roll. Tango has rounded back into form. La La has been great, Sparkles getting hot at right time this really will be an excellent match to watch bring your dollars for this one. Here are the brothers sauce after the game.
Thunder walked in door Tuesday with $2 left with $8 that’s how I roll. Also, we got two nights left. Tuesday was poorly attended. I get it PBA hangover. Well that shit should be gone by now and quite frankly everyone not named Sparkles has learned to pace themselves at PBA weekend. Come out tomorrow have a few drinks, a few laughs, heckle some ringer bowler after a split and make some cash. It’s BoPo baby and it is almost gone.
BEER -2.5 versus SKOL: BEER had a hard luck season with a 700 plus average, but they managed to find a way to lose pretty much every week. That said they weren’t going playoff lines. Herb’n is a pin killer, Hungus has been hot, Brandy is heating up, Slow Roll couldn’t hit water if she fell out of a boat and went 1-8 at the fucking BoProAm costing me my second fucking PBA title, the Dude is the cheerleader now, and notorious playoff killer Filthy McNasty has found a nice line to Brooklyn and the kid is riding it out. They match up with another tough luck regular season squad in SKOL. Viking got real hot on Tuesday night, Gunz will push for top point but something tells me that Auto, T$, and ViQueen may not be ready for the bright lights of the Quarters. Mrs. Brady will be, this will be a back and forth match going to the wire in three games, but this prognosticator thinks if the crowd gets behind BEER that may be too much for SKOL to overcome. Either way it will be fun to see if Viking’s head explodes or not, the Dr. will be front and center to see what goes down. Here is Viking coming home from a long day at the office:
YB2 -3 versus XXX Club: Club didn’t look great on Tuesday night and YB2 did. Bora is a clutch playoff roller, but All Day is the hottest babe in the building right now and Milli is crushing pins pregnant. Cracker, Glossy and Pete are proven playoff bowlers and ITZ will roll his 170 get last point in a game and be like, “We fucking killed you!” Hey, the guy is on the team, I guess. Glossy and Crackerjackoff are in the Buck Ripcord fan club so that may help Club. If Herk gets Brooklyn he can stay hot; E Minor closed some frames the other night that’s a positive and you know Roadhouse will be ready to throw down. YB2 just looks incredibly strong right now. Here is CJ and Glossy getting ready for the semis:
Yeah, right, they wish that was them, actually here they are:
Now for that ridiculous hypothetical semi lines:
YB2 -1 versus Yahtzee: Sparkles has been shitting on glossy like he is a port-o-let at a Phish show, shit on the guy so much about PBA jock-sniffing (fair) that the shit is overflowing out of the port o let. If you have been to a Phish show you have seen this unfortunate phenomenon. Both teams are loaded, but the way All Day is rolling right now the YB2 crew is destined for a finals match on Bowling Ball Saturday!
Oddballs -1 versus BEER: Give me Brooklyn, HBK, Mrs. Brady and one of their other dudes over Herb Hungus Filthy and Brandy. I give total and 3 and 4 point edge to Oddballs in which will be a great back and forth match should it occur as Hungus pushes for that very elusive banner at Bayside Bowl.
It is sure to be a great night doctor will be belly up at the bar around 5:30 in preparations for the show.
Please this is the bowling that we really care about, now GTFO PBA and let us get back to the real bowling that matters. Because you know it’s gonna be: