Sparkles takes a shot at early lines…
We’re onto week 9 and yet another person trying to not offend someone doing the lines this week. Both divisions are a log jam in the middle but each have a clear cut favorite for the 1 seed. Shoutout to DJ Jon for crushing it whenever he gets the nod. He mixes up great and even brings a projected. Solid throwback to my many nights at Bubbas either Deputy and Fat Railroad. Most likely means we will never see him again and back to elevator music this week but whatever. I’m not much for intros so let’s get on with it.
Ex Presidents (-1) vs. Cocktails and Losses
Dumpster fire match of the week! Roadhouse broke Glossy’s heart when he stole Badger from him in the draft, and the Badger broke his ankle or something and is on season ending IR. Probably the only win he’ll get all season. Looking at the rest of this roster… Slugga and wife, Hombre, Rubio… Jesus Christ guy wins a BoPo title and thinks he can win with anyone. Glossy got stuck with me this season and now officially for BoPo until he bails after CrackerJack has a mental breakdown from no longer having any friends or from the fact he’s bowling like dog shit and my hacking doesn’t help. I’m taking Roadhouse in this match simply because everyone has been pounding the shit out of us. Plus side is C-Murda will miss 7 more 5 pins this week keeping my tab around 8 bucks.
Titty Bangers vs. Magic’s Gathering (-3)
Bangers are sitting in one of those wild card spots right now, mainly due to big brick Bucky making everyone else in the league look stupid every week. Lala has been pulling her weight too and she’d probably punch me in the face if I don’t mention that… I’m taking Magic’s squad in this one due to sheer depth in spite on The Dantist bowling like he’s on Cape Fear already. Took me 15 mins to find him sitting 35th but that might be the Whiskey. Mama D and Hambone carry them to victory this week
Just the Tips (-3) vs. Sex on Saturday
Tips are red hot right now, just beating the fuck out of Cocktails last week. Pretty sure they rolled about a 750 avg and Biscuit Wheels was very close to 700. If Lemay can get hot, this team could be a force in the playoffs which will be great because I’m sure someone will complain, but who cares everyone thought they were a bye week at the start of the season so fuck you. Whitman’s team needs win bad right now but looks like Gboi is the only one putting up decent numbers which means as always he’s giving shitty bowling advice and killing everyone else. You’re not a coach like Master Cripple. Riding the Tips hot streak til it dies.
Drama Llamas (-7) vs. X-Force
DDJ told me he’s drinking less this draft season and you can definitely tell it’s having a positive effect because people are actually talking to him. Guy’s a fucking douche when he’s hammered and hates fedoras. Nut Sauce has been as advertised and Island Boy is definitely in the running for the Doc Moose award for best sleeper in the draft. Kid’s swinging a huge rock up there for them. Xander’s team is 3rd in the standings and has the 4th lowest team avg in the division so something has to give. Russian is up there bowling like she doesn’t give a shit, T$ looks lost, Xander and Tso are having nice seasons and no one knows what to expect out of Mr Mayor aside from late shift not starting on time. It’s not the playoffs so Llamas keep crushing.
Spare Ribs vs. Bowlers Union (-1)
Ribs are another team overachieving and I love it. Insanal said fuck taking the best bowler, I wanna bowl with my friends. Who gives a shit if someone is a 225 avg when he says 9 words all night and none of his jokes make any sense. Dutch has put the team on his back this season and Holden Green isn’t god awful like he was last year in draft. Seatown’s team is stacked but is only 4-4. Probably doesn’t help that Deputy is just getting thrashed drunk every Thursday because it’s the only day his girlfriend lets him out of the house alone but whatever it’s Draft League, no one actually gives a shit about winning. Cumstein comes out of his slump this week and takes top point every game to secure the win.
Boposapiens (-9) vs. UDFAasdfg
CJ played the numbers and threw down $110 to roll 35 games of practice this season. UDFA has been the unofficial bye week but that hasn’t stopped them from having a good time out there in spite of having to listen to all the IT talk. Boposapiens are sitting right in the middle of the division and a win tonight will go a long way. Cheese is starting to roll well after he hit 1000 games on this pattern and Snapshot might start to heat up once the Rooftop closes for the season. Precious is also on this team and I’ve been instructed to only say that.