Back At It

Believe it or not there are only 4 more weeks in the regular season.  For a lot of teams byes mean only three games left.  Only Beerframe Mafia has clinched a playoff spot, and while no one has officially been eliminated we are getting close.

Early Games

#5 Loud Noises (5-2) -5 vs Hexy’s Hooligans (1-6):  Both teams are reeling, but Loud Noises’ two game losing streak still has them tied for first while the Hooligan’s are pretty much one loss from elimination.  Walter rolled well today, and Jon Moon has shown some signs of life, plus Coco Lopez is a big game bowler.  That said I just can’t see them knocking off Dep and crew.  Look for the Noise to be brought.

#6 Team Skittles (4-2) -1 vs Taint Punch (3-3):  The Taints have a twenty pin higher average than their opponents in this one but hard to bet against Team Skittles right now.  Any analysis of the bowling is probably pointless, just going with the gut here.  Sparkles is a legit top dawg candidate, and I ‘m guessing he gets enough help to overcome Tango and Spidey.

#2 Three Finger Surprise (4-2) -1 vs Big Whoop (3-3):  Big win for Big Whoop last week while their Captain is still out recovering from scooter-finger.  The win got them a little breathing room but a loss here and they’ll be back to looking over their shoulder.  Cheese is probably ready to make a move after watching his two BoPop teammates dominate the stats page so far, but he’ll face Jerk who is also trying to get back in the conversation at the top of the leaderboard.  Tso has been picking up steam, and Chernobes has the edge over Clarified if she has to bowl all three.  I like this game a lot.  Dude (currently practicing at 1045 on Wednesday night) and Burt are sneaky.

Ball Jam (4-3) -1 vs #3 Dick’s Picks Vol. IV (5-2): Upset alert!  Well, not a huge upset as before last week Ball Jam was ranked and Dick’s wasn’t  The Jammers are bringing their full squad and that means energy.  Shifter is fresh off the boat and Dr. McNasty is ready to operate in his battle with Queen Bee.  Dick’s is coming off a win, has an MVP candidate in Mr. Stiffy and is in first but I think the West is going to finish in a logjam.  We’re all just along to fix the cable.

Late Games

#4 Point Breakers (4-2) – 5 vs Nonchalant (1-5): Rick Vaughn needs to do this himself.  Bijou has been as advertised (when around) and Cookie has done what he could, but with his team’s backs against the wall it’s up to the Captain to step up and turn thing around.  The Point Breakers have their eyes set on 1st place, and look like a strong candidate to get closer to the top with a win here.  Roadhouse bowler well in MIST, and he’s bound to start getting big scores to move his average up where it belongs.  Natro will be faced with his usual dilemma of trying to stay sober for a late game, but at least he has Friday off.

#1 Beerframe Mafia (6-0) -3 vs #Gutter (3-3): Gutterboi is probably pretty excited to get a shot at the undefeated team.  Cilantro’s crew is deep and dangerous and can withstand even Gutterboi at his best unless he has some help.  Maybe some help like the 229-279 Gutterslut rolled two weeks ago.  Rubbys and Cilantro have got a fun vibe going allowing Cheddar to just roll.  It’s a good setup that has them 6-0 but they do have a big target on their backs now.

100% Down (4-3) -1 vs E-Motion Of The Ocean (2-5):  This is a tough one.  E-Mo’s are desperate for a win, and if they get a hot start and stay positive they definitely have the ability to do it.  McQueen would likely love to say hello to his new BoPo Captain by smacking him around a little.  Down was shorthanded last week and went away pretty meekly, but this week Uncle Jesse and Luke “The Sandwich” are back for some energy and some strikes.  Sandwich is a difference maker.

Gatch Patch Kids (2-5) -1 vs Bowla Constrictors (4-3): The Constrictors have fallen on tough times after and excellent start, bottoming out with Busta’s proclamation that he hates bowling as he hurled an intentional gutterball to close out last week’s game.  They still have a solid record but seem to be a bit in the doldrums.  Gatch’s kids need a win badly so I think they’ll find a way.  Dill is bowling with extra motivation which should sharpen his focus, and Gatch likes winning a lot.





Week 7 Quick Recap

Things are all bunched up now as lots of teams picked up big wins.  Dick’s is the new first place team in the West temporarily, but still 6 teams within a game of each other for first.  Different story in the East as 1st place looks solid for Beerframe but we’ll have a big battle for that last playoff spot (7th place) with all the 1-5 teams winning to stay alive for another week.

Precious holds on to top average for a second week but Bama is now right on his tail with Sparkles, Hungus and Mr. Stiffy still hanging in the race.


I first knew Joy in her capacity as Secretary of the Senate in the Legislature.  She was so good at that job and ran a tight ship.  I was, like most of my colleagues, always impressed and always a bit intimidated.  When she started showing up at Bayside to bowl it was so disorienting to see her in this new capacity, I hoped I looked like I knew what I was doing running a business and hoped she thought I was doing it right.  She became a regular – she tackled bowling with the same focus and intensity she had brought to her professional life.  She was such a gracious presence here, though not above some good trash talking when the game called for it.  Thank you for sharing so much of your time with us here, Joy.  We will always remember you.


I am going to skip lines for this week.  Instead I was thinking folks could just comment with any Skittles stories they wanted to share.


We are working on a  fitting tribute to Joy here at Bayside, be it a trophy case with one of her old bowling balls, a plaque, or something else, and hope to have that put together relatively soon.

Week 6

Believe it or not two teams could clinch playoff spots tonight if everything breaks right.  Crazy!  All you 1-4 teams need to get something going, though you probably don’t need me to remind you.

New experiment tonight I am borrowing from a bowling alley in Wisconsin…the first game done in the early shift gets a free pitcher (moose head or brooklyn brown) for each team.

One last note – I am redrawing the matchups for crossover week.  You will play the team from the other conference with the same ranking as you (#1 vs #1, #2 vs #2 etc.) I will relist the schedule with the right matchups this weekend.

Game of the Week

#2 Loud Noises (5-0) -1 vs 100% Down (3-2): Loud Noises is one of only two undefeated teams, and they maintained that unblemished record in wild fashion last week, coming back from a  7-3 deficit with no Deputy.  The drama of their defending an unbeaten run may be overshadowed, however, by the drama of Deputy facing the BoPo Captain (and teammate) he is leaving behind in a free agent move.  Will Uncle Jesse and Luke give him the cold shoulder?  The knuckle sandwich?  Will Deputy tank to try to ease the sting of his leaving?  Makes for some interesting watching, and The Managemnet on 100% Down will try and take advantage of it.

Early Games

Point Breakers (3-2) -3 vs Emo and the Bunnymen (1-4): E-Minor’s crew has their backs up against the wall, but I don’t know what that means for them.  Will they just all look around at each other waiting for someone else to step up?  Will they just give up in the face of adversity? Lots of questions in my write-ups so far.  Point Breakers should be fine in this one.  Natro will want to show off in front of his soon to be new BoPo teammate, and it’s early so he should be soberish for at least game 1.  Roadhouse’s crew should roll unless Bora pulls out another 220 game like last week.

Dick’s Pick’s Vol. IV (3-2) -3 vs Hexy’s Hooligans (1-4): Hexy’s got another team stuck in the basement at 1-4 in the West.  They’ve been close a few times but need to find a way to grab a W before it’s too late.  Dick’s looks to be back on track after a short slide.  Mr. Stiffy is continuing his really strong season as a Dick, and Beaujolais and Queen B have been doing their jobs well.

#4 Bowla Constictors (4-1) -3 vs Taint Punch (2-2): Diesel’s bunch have just the one loss to the #1 team on their record and look like a solid title contender.  Bustah and Beef Wellington have done the heavy lifting for him.  Taint Punch has both Spidey and Tango in the top 22, but I don’t really know which way they are going.  I’ve had them in the top three and now they aren’t ranked.  Tango hasn’t locked in yet, but he’s due.  I could talk myself out of this line if I write much longer.

#6 Silent But Deadly (4-1) -1 vs Gatch Patch Kids (1-4): Well there are four 1-4 teams in the East so teams like Gatch Patch still can see a way into the playoffs, but eventually they’ll need a few wins.  Southpaw has been a solid #1 for them, and Wildcard has had half excellent games, but half really rough ones.  They could piece it together if they al score at the right time.  I just think SBD continues their unexpected run.  Sloppiness gets to battle his BoPo captain and should be fired up for that.  Lala vs Bonita looks like a really good battle that could determine the winner in this one.

Late Games

Alley Cat Strikes (1-4) -1 vs Colucci’s Kids (1-4): These teams may be a combined 2-8 but they feature two of the top three bowlers in the stats in Precious (2) and Bama (3). As strange as it seems it looks like one of those guys could be in real danger of missing the playoffs.  The Kids saved their season last week coming back from 7-3 down even with Precious out of town.  The Strikes have been close to more wins.  I’ll take ACS in a close one though everyone would probably like to see a Bama vs Precious bowl off.

#1 Beerframe Mafia (5-0) -5 vs Team Skittles (3-1): Team Skittles has been riding emotion and team depth to a strong start, winning three of four before their bye last week.  They will be missing their top bowler Sparkles who is in Vegas for one of his other beer sports.  The Mafia won’t take any pity on their opponent just because they re missing a few players.  They will cruise to a 6-0 start and, depending on a few other games, be the first team to clinch a playoff spot.

#5 Ball Jam (3-2) -1 vs Nonchalant (1-4): Ball Jam has been on a nice run lately moving up the standings and power rankings with some big scores.  They’ll try to keep it going with Shifter back out of town.  They look like easy favorites against Nonchalant, but Rick V’s crew has their backs against the wall and if they have Bijou and Cookie together they can hang.  That said they can’t win until Rick, Ramrod or Probie finally has a big night.

#Gutter (2-3) -1 vs Ebowla (1-4): The infectious disease crew showed some signs of life lately – Yao and Bombpop put up some solid scores – but they are in trouble at 1-4.  A win here would go a long way toward turning their season around.  #Gutter is a hard to team to predict, but they do seem to have come together really well as a group.  That should be enough to keep them out of the basement.


Week 5 and Press Conference

I will be doing some weird Channel 6 live feeds Thursday morning at 5am-7am.  I’m not sure I always get online abbreviations right, but I’m pretty sure FML works in this situation.  For morning lovers?  Anyway, the regular, big press conference with all the media folk is at 3pm.  Please be here for that if you can.  Free bowling from 2-3, and I’m sure I’ll find a way to get you some Mooseheads.  Thanks, peeps.  BowlPortland made this all possible.

We have our first bye weeks this week with Team Skittles and Taint Punch sitting this one out.

One final note, as I suggested last Thursday, PBA commish Tom Clark will indeed be hanging around after the press conference for some beer drinking and heckling.

Game of the Week

LATE: #5 Point Breakers (3-1) -3 vs #2 Loud Noises (4-0):  This one lost a lot of its luster with news that Noises captain Deputy will miss the match.  Still, it’s a battle for first in the conference and that’s always exciting to watch.  Roadhouse and his crew are looking for a fourth straight win and I think they get it.  Noises second best average, Pauly Ringwald, still is higher than anyone on PB, but then their dead president depth kicks in.  Tilt-A-Whirl is having a breakout year (and if we do an all-star game, which we may, would definitely have a spot at this point).  Loud may have some fear without their captain, and fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true.

Early Games

#1 Beerframe Mafia (4-0) -3 vs Alleycat Strikes (1-3):  At first glance this looks like a walk in the park for the #1 team, but I think it’s going to come down to the wire.  The Strikes got in the win column last week even with Bama not bowling his best.  They are bowling with a little desperation and it’ll help them here.  Cilantro has his Mafia completely even keeled so they won’t be impacted by their opponent’s mindset, they just need to expect a high scoring match.  They’ve done it 4 times already, so I think eventually they pull this one out but not before they get a little bit of a scare.

Silent But Deadly (3-1) -1 vs Ebowla (1-3): SBD is playing true to their name, they just kind of sneak up on you unexpectedly then BAM! Their top bowler Sloppiness isn’t even in the top 10 but they are a deep squad that has been doing enough to pick up wins.  Ebowla has been the big underachiever squad so far but last week’s win may help them get back on track.  They’ll be Oz-less in this rare early game for them, however, so I pick SBD to slide past them.

Big Whoop (2-2) -1 vs Dick’s Pick’s Vol. IV (2-2): These are two teams that have both been high in the rankings (Dick’s was #1 after two weeks) but have both fallen out entirely.  The Whoop’s first loss was understandable, a narrow one with no Double around, but now they’re on a two game streak, the same as The Picks.  Dick Liquor is 0-2 since fatherhood and looking to get his first win as a dad.  He’ll bounce back from last week.  This game is less about the captain, though, than it is about Stiffy vs Cheese.  Stiffy finally gets his chance to emerge from  the large shadow of his taller, more heralded championship teammates.  He’s sitting at 10th in the league almost 9 points ahead.  I expect some big scores from both of them, but McStriker brings this win home herself.

100% Down (2-2) -1 vs Hexy’s Hooligans (1-3): This will be fun – any game with Coco Lopez invariably evolves into a dance party.  The 100 per centers will be ready to light up the dance floor in their slick new team jerseys.  Walter often bowls well vs Hungus, so expect good numbers from him and a match that comes down to game three.  That’s where the 100% experience comes into play, and they will pull away with a late game Sandwich

Late Games

#3 Three Fingered Surprise (2-2) -5 vs Nonchalant (1-3): Ooh boy, Cookie vs Chernobylayne.  That right there is worth the price of admission, which as a reminder is free, but that’s not to diminish the implied worth of watching in my earlier phrase.  Nonchalant Bijou returned to action and held her top league average even so – impressive.  She’ll battle Jerk in this one in what looks like a sweet duel at the top.  Cookie will bring his A game against a team featuring three of his Binga’s squad, but after he and Bijou they have yet to develop.  Maybe Probie or Windiesel breaks out, or Rick Vaughn finds things, but that’s way to many ifs when you’re bowling against the #3 team in the league.

#6 Ball Jam (2-2) -3 vs E-Motional’s Roller Coasters (1-3):  Look out, it’s Ball Jam!  These guys have jammed their way from obscurity to the top 6 on the heels of a 700 average night last week.  Shifter is giving them big scores when he’s around, Valley Gurl is tearing it up and Xander keeps finding ways to strike.  If Filthy gets going too these guys could be really tough.  The Roller Coasters need captain E-Mo and the #1 pick McQueen to both step up and play like they’re capable of.  They could feed off each other and put up monster scores, but someone has to take the first step, or in this case, roll the first strike.

#4 Bowla Constrictors (3-1) -1 vs #Gutter (2-2): Diesel’s crew look to dust themselves off after their first loss of the season.  They play Munj’s team, who I can’t handicap at all.  When I ranked them, they were terrible.  When I buried them they were sensational.  I have no idea what to expect in this one, but I’ll probably have had one too many beers by the time it’s decided anyway.

Colucci Kids (0-4) -1 vs Gatch Patch Kids (1-3): Kids fight!  Colucci’s Kids try to get their first win and in the process drag Gatch’s Kids down into a last place tie.  Kids these days.




Big, big news, and week 4 previews

So BoPo, you’ve probably heard the rumors by now, and if you’re a hardcore bowling nerd (looking in your direction Shifter, plus the mirror) you read it on the bowling industry blogs.  The PBA is officially coming to Bayside Bowl.  Next March, a week or so before our playoffs, guys like Pete Weber, Chris Barnes, Norm Duke and Jason Belmonte will be bowling on lanes 5-6.  It will all be broadcast on ESPN.  BoPoers will get access to all the tickets on the side that will show up on tv.  It’s PBA League, mostly Baker Style stuff, but just last week they added a second tournament, a singles match play tourney, also at Bayside Bowl. Holy crap! EDITOR’S NOTE: Please keep this PBA info in house until next week.  Obviously everyone at the lanes will know but keep it off Facebook until the press event next Thursday.

Anyway, the official press announcement will be next Thursday at 5pm, right before draft league.  PBA Commisioner Tom Clark will be here for the press conference (and sticking around for beers and heckling during Draft League, suckas).  You should be here too.  Seriously I’d love to have a full house of BoPofor the press conference, letting the press folks know there are actually a ton of cool people really excited to welcome the world’s greatest bowlers to Maine – the first time PBA has ever been to Maine.  So mark your calendars and leave work early if you’re a normal, be here by 4:30 and start filling the place.  Thursday, October 2.  Week 5 of Draft League.  Thank you, now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Game of the Week

#1 Bowla Constrictors (3-0) -1 vs #2 Beerframe Mafia (3-0): Get here early tomorrow for this one.  This a great contest between two top teams.  Diesel has his Bowlas doing just enough and they’ve pulled off three straight 8-7 wins.  He doesn’t want to show you up or anything.  Cilantro’s Mafia has snuck up on folks but won’t do that any longer.  Cheddar has been much happier not captaining and Cilantro has the team loose.  Nugget is killing it and Rubbys keeps throwing game three 200’s.  It’s a culture clash (for example Bustah and Rubbys are the league’s two biggest opponent touchers but do it in very different manners), but Cilantro will keep it fun.  I had to pick a winner so I’ll go with the defending champ Captain Diesel.

Early Games

Ball Jam (1-2) -1 vs 100% Down (2-1): It’s a Shifter AND McNasty week for the Jammers and they are hungry for a win.  Shifter tried long distance motivation but it didn’t work, now he’ll try to do the work himself.  Valley Girl has been her normal strong self on the lanes and McNasty would love to take out the other managers.  100% Down took advantage of Double Cheese’s absence to squeak out an 8-7 win last week, piling on Number One’s shoulders as he carried them with a 200 average over three games.  Just enough to win.  Hungus v Shifter would be a pretty classic bowl off battle of a couple of dudes with several bowl off wins under their belts.  Let’s find a way to make this happen.

Three Finger Surprise (1-2) -3 vs E-Minor (1-2): This is shaping up as a bounce back year for Jerk, not that he really went anywhere, he just didn’t dominate like we’re used to.  Well he’s been throwing a lot of strong draft games, placed 9th out of 72 top Northern New England bowlers and has a team that may be ready to make some noise. They have the 2nd best average in the league and look to even their record tonight. E-Minor’s team broke into the win column last week too but I’m not sure they’re fully lined up yet.  McQueen or E-Mo could go off at any time, but not sure they’re a match for Chernobylane’s Bingasesque troupe.

#Gutter (2-1) -1 vs Alley Cat Strikes (0-3): A big Back in Black on Back in Black showdown.  Bama and T-Square have their backs against the wall with an 0-3 start.  Gutterboy has surrounded himself with other Gutterfolk and rebounded from a week 1 loss with a couple strong wins.  Gutter(Spare)time has been having a strong season and Guttermunj’s hand is steady on the tiller.  Bama will have a huge game but unless T-$ turns it around his team falls to 0-4.

Tootsie (2-1) – 1 vs Gatch Patch Kids (1-2) : Gatch is back with his team after they made their own way the first couple games.  Wildcard is coming off a 298, so eyes will be on him.  Tootsie has stepped up as a Captain and rolled well, and his top pick Sparkles has been as advertised.  They are playing with a little extra motivation for Skittles, and I think that gets them the win in a close one.

Late Games

Nonchalant (1-2) -1 vs Hexy’s Hooligans (0-3): Bijou Lowrie’s name looks good sitting at the top of the stats page, but I have to think Rick Vaughn expected more than one game in three weeks, especially since he asked for all late games to accommodate his star.  I’m picking them assuming she shows (and pays her league dues) for this one.  Cookie has held things together but this team needs Bijou back.  The Hooligans also used a 1st round pick on a woman, and Coco Lopez has been the super fun, super consistent bowler her Captain knew she’d be.  Unfortunately they haven’t pulled out any wins.  Jon Moon has been struggling with the Dead Man’s Curve, and Wedgehead hasn’t had a big night yet.  It may be early in the season, but this is a big game for both teams.  No Bijou and I switch the line to Hexy -1.

Silent But Deadly (2-1) -1 vs McGuyvah (2-1): Let’s call it a stop on the Samsquampch revenge tour.  Or chalk it up to the fact that McGuyvah’s team doesn’t even have a name yet.  I don’t know why but I think this SBD win happens.  Cotter Martin is starting to make a name for himself, Boots would really like to make a name for himself and Lala would love to crush Tango (and Tango will be wasted trying to keep up with Sloppiness – epic Moosehead showdown between these two).  Too many signs too ignore.  Sorry McGuyvah’s no-name team.

#3 LOUD NOISES! (3-0) -1 vs #5 Dick’s Picks (2-1): New fatherdom finally caught up with Dick and dragged him down into the low 100’s for a week.  He will adjust.  His team is solid and united, but face a big test in Deputy’s undefeated bunch.  Dep’s got his doubles partner Duke with him, and he may finally be seeing some sort of benefit from that Slowinski business.  It’ll be tight, but if forced to pick I’ll take LOUD by 1.

#4 Big Whoop (2-1) -1 vs Point Breakers (2-1):  The Whoop lost last week but only by 1, and that was without Double Cheese (as a marginally interesting aside, I ‘ve been trying to not eat cheese this month and I think I’ve messed up on about 6 or 7 of the 24 days, but I’ve never been known for discipline).  What was I taking about.  Belmonte is coming to Bayside!  Oh yeah, the Point Breakers are 2-0 early, but now they’re late again.  That’s not their happy place.  I could see this team being 5-0 early and 0-5 late, in fact.  Eh, what do I know, I just work here.

Colucci Kids (0-3) -1 vs Ebowla (0-3): Mamma Mia, Pizzeria! (tm Dr Thunder).  The loser of this contest will be 0-4 and in big trouble (assuming you consider a risk of missing the playoffs in your casual bowling league ‘big trouble’.  You do, c’mon, admit it). Colucci has bowled well, and he gets his thoroughbred back this week, married.  Wait, did Precious go on a honeymoon?  If so, he’d be gone for this one and my line will look ridiculous.  Actually, maybe not.  What’s up with Oz?  He’s still a BoPo legend but he hasn’t been hanging with the top guys early.  He’ll be back, but how soon?  Probably not til the tourists all go home. Yao and Bombpop need to stop looking to the old guard and take matters into their own hands.




Quick Week 3 Recap

Week three was an aberration.  Lines and league coverage will be back.  Week three kind of helped to shape things a bit.  3-0 teams are pretty likely playoff teams.  0-3 teams aren’t out of anything but really have their backs against the wall in Week 4.  We get match ups at both ends of the spectrum this week with Colucci Kid’s 0-3 team battling Bombpop’s winless Ebowla squad.  Loser is in trouble.  At the top end we have #1 Bowla Constrictors (3-0) facing #2 Beerframe Mafia (3-0) in a great battle.  Looking forward to the week.

Dr. Thunder’s Guest Lines

Hot Sauce -2 1-1 vs. Deputy 2-0: Sauce’s squad is shifterless tonight, and only had a 10 pin advantage, that said on paper they can wipe their asses with Deputy’s squad. Although this is what Deputy has to say about that:
Should come down to the wire, but Sauce seems to have the deeper squad.

Dick’s Picks -7 versus Roadheadhouse: Natro never does well in draft league, it isn’t his thing. Dick’s Picks is riding high since the birth of Davis and the new more sober laid back father Dick has even Space Farmer rolling well (which is hard to do). Mr. Stiffy will be there because he didn’t get invited to Precious’s wedding (, Dick’s team has been crushing teams and end of day they will pull away from Roadhouses’ squad.

Cilantro 2-0 -10 versus Gatch 1-1: Cilantro has a 40 pin advantage and this one seems to be a mismatch. Cilantro has the Cheddar Magic going ( and although Wildcard is coming off a 298 post a Jimmy Clark lesson he has yet to translate those big practice scores into big game scores, if he does the line comes down to -5.
Diesel 2-0 -1 versus T-Square 0-2: Diesel threw team camaraderie out the window for winning, T-Square went the usual route with Bama and T$. Diesel went online and went on the record saying Bama was not as good as advertised but Bama’s swing coach had something to say about that ( End of the day Busta hates losing and T-Square is cool with it giving the nod to Deez.
Tootsie 2-0 -3 versus Munj 1-1: Munj’s squad has an ICBINGish (#TOTY) type team avg, nowhere close to 600. Tootsie was the first roller to get Squamched by XXX Club, and is now back with a vengeance. (, yep that is a clip of Tootsie on Stiffy’s moped hell bent on revenge. Sparkles is hell bent on winning, and all the gutters are starting to catch up with the boys of Munj.
Squamach 1-1 -3 vs Colluci Kid 0-2: Mama mia pizzeria, the kid’s team couldn’t win with Precious what the hell is going to happen to them now that Precious is off getting married? Speaking of people that got kicked off XXX Club. Here is a video of the club after they kicked Squamach off, they emailed ths to Squamach to tell him he was out and Big Rig was in ( Sloppiness will be the hero of this match and he is going to break out this oldie but a goodie after the victory. (
E-Minor 0-2 -1 vs Rick Vaughn 1-1: Somehow by the grace of God despite a league low 561 average thanks to their captain’s terrible bowling Rick V’s team has a win. Vaughn is sporting a hefty 104.4 average 5 games in, but is sticking to his guns that he can still average 150+. Bijou Lowrie has been heard to say this after each Rick has no heater frame( Cookie ain’t gonna be down with this line and will try to pull the squad to a win but E Minor and McQueen seem ready to grab that first win.
100% Down (-5) versus McStriker: No DC spells big fucking trouble for McStrikers team as he is off at Precious’ wedding ( Hungus and crew will be ready to deflate the Cheese less crew (

Chernobes 0-2 -8 versus Hexy 0-2: Something has got to give between these winless squads, but the recently engaged Chernobes( ) team sports a way better average, not to mention they don’t have someone that used to go by the alias Anonymous trashed the fuck out of the place and staff that we love and rolls like this (
McGuyvah -1 1-1 versus Bombpop: Everyone except Oz will get fall down drunk in this match. Here is Tango game 3 (

Week 2 lines (and voting still open for date of semis/finals)

So, our play-ins and quarterfinals are scheduled for Nov 20th.  The following Thursday is Thanksgiving, so we can either wait until Dec. 4th to play the finals on a Thursday, or we can play them on Sunday, Nov 23rd.


Now, the lines!

Colucci Kids (0-1) -3 vs Cilantro (1-0): Precious came out of the starting blocks on fire, posting a 219 average in week 1. Capt. Colucci also showed he’s in it to win it, playing Precious three times in an attempt to get the win. Ultimately they fell just short but I predict they’ll even their record in this one. Cilantro has a nice little team put together, but they’ll be Cheddarless in this one and it will be tough to overcome.

#7 Chernobes (0-1) -1 vs #2 Dick’s Picks (1-0): I’d go with Dick’s Picks in this one if Dick was going to be there, but a three day old baby should keep him away from the lanes. Dick’s had sweet team shirts right from the get go, and we’ve learned from past draft leagues things like that matter. Remember last year the ridiculous differential in records between teams with names and teams with no names. Dick’s was first with name and uni. Chernobes team, while nameless, overcomes some of that since it’s half Binga’s anyway. Jerk will lead them to .500

#3 Big Whoop (1-0) -3 vs Hexy’s Hooligans (0-1): Well they both have names so that’s a wash. This will be a showdown between the reigning women’s doubles champs Coco Lopez and McStriker. CoLo is off to a solid start and should bring her a-game against her teammate. Double Cheese has reached the point where being in 11th is a down result – but he’ll rebound.

Roadhouse (0-1) -1 vs Hot Sauced (1-0): The ‘House let one get away last week so they should come out hungry. I expect big bounce back games from the Captain and Natro. Hot Sauce was on the positive side of an 8-7 win. This week they get just the Filthy half of the McShifter combo, but he’ll be raring to roll after only playing once last week. Xander was the the biggest surprise of week 1 with a very impressive 202.5 average in 2 games. Nice work.

#1 McGuyvah (1-0) -5 vs Munj (0-1): OK, you shouldn’t read too much into one week, but Munj’s team got off to a rocky start. That said they seem like they also have an excellent camaraderie brewing. They look like heavy underdogs in this one but they also look like a team that could come together as the season progresses. McGuyvah’s team didn’t show that same level of enjoying themselves, but they bowled well and will continue to bowl well. I think they cruise to 2-0.

Late Games

T-Square (0-1) -5 vs Gatch (0-1): Both teams are coming off losses but in very different fashions. The T’s tied and only got the loss in a hard fought bolwoff battle. The Gatches looked lost without their Captain around and struggled to only 4 points. Bama will be looking for revenge this week and will take it out on whoever rolls next to him. T-Square got off to a nice start herself and is in it to win it. Gatch should be back for this one and will try to right the ship that looked a little rudderless last week. They have a lot of talent on the roster, maybe they turn it around quickly with the Cap back.

#5 Diesel (1-0) -5 vs Bombpop (0-1): Again it was just one week, but if the openers were any indication these teams are headed in opposite directions. Diesel is defending champ and owner of 4 BoPo major titles. He grabbed Bustah who was slipping in the draft, and Wing Alex is looking to redefine himself as Beef Wellington. If he gets anything out of Honey Nunny or Ruby Canary (who is getting in extra games as a Restaurant Leaguer) look out. The Bombs were a dud in week one and struggled to 2nd lowest average in the league. They’re too good to stay there, but they need to turn it around sooner rather than later in he one Bayside League where not everyone makes the playoffs. Oz should be inspired by the opportunity to bowl against his wife.

#6 100% Down (1-0) -3 vs Rick Vaughn (0-1): Slow Roll’s squad was shorthanded in week one but managed to come from 4-1 down to pull off an 8-7 squeaker with a little help from emergency sub, and re-retired Dr. Thunder. This week they get their #2 pick, #1, back, and seeing as it’s a team that may relay more on vibe than talent, having the whole crew together will be huge. While Down rallied from 4-1 down, the Vaughns gave away a 4-1 lead. IN game one 1st rounder Bijou Lowry put up a 220 but when she left after that the team’s fortunes changed. Ricky himself struggled mightily to lat place average in the league. He’ll be hungry to rebound. Cookie will be eager to beat his former Supah Deep mates to prove they made a mistake in the draft.

#4 Tootsie (1-0) -1 vs Squampch (1-0): Send your BoPo thoughts Skittles’ way today, as her health is forcing her to give up Draft League. She will be missed on the lanes and I know we all wish her well. Gutterboy’s Mom will take her spot on Tootsie’s roster as they try to build on an emotional week 1 bowl off win by Sparkles. Squampch missed week 1 but his team rolled off an impressive 13-2 victory. Cotter Martin was impressive even while babysitting at the bar. The team definitely seemed like strangers and didn’t talk much but they let their bowling talk, and now with their leader back they could be a dangerous team. I just think Tootsie has a little too much firepower in this battle of ex-Turkey Clubbers.

Deputy (1-0) -1 vs E-Motional (0-1): Tough start for big E running into the Dick’s Picks and a 12-3 loss in week 1. Their scores should rebound as E has now had a few days to incorporate his Jimmahclark lessons, and McQueen always bounces back. They face Deputy’s team, a group that picked up a big win and features a top three that are very used to bowling with each other. I see an E vs Dep bowl off coming.

It’s On

Welcome back everyone, hope you enjoyed your hiatus.  Well, a hiatus for many of you anyway: a small but growing number of BoPoers are starting to play year round in Business League and Casco Bay Leagues.  Soon they’ll be taking jobs with Bayside’s top December party corporate clients like IDEXX just to make sure they get lanes in our business month.  It’s awesome.  Doubles league has started, and since the draft all the old faces who haven’t played this Summer have been showing up.  Tonight is like the first day of school, except a million times cooler.  No homework.

So it’s back to writing lines for me.  Draft league lines are tough, the teams are usually so evenly matched.  Last year of the 18 teams, 15 finished between 4-6 and 6-4.  This year Draft is at an all-time high of 20 teams, its max (until expansion: more on that in future posts).  I’ll tend to pick teams with folks who’ve been bowling all Summer for these first few weeks.  Lot’s more BoPoers getting new balls and lessons this season so that could show up too.  I’m only going to do a top 5 for draft power rankings since there are only 20 teams.  Remember the divisions are important this season because you only play teams within your division.  Go West!  Go East!  Division winners get byes to the quarters.  Teams 2-7 in each division qualify for the play-offs. So without further ado, the rankings and lines.

Preseason Power Rankings:

1. McGuyvah: Probably a lot of head scratching out there right now since 90%  of you have never heard of this guy.  He is a newcomer to BoPo, and while he is a decent bowler his team is ranked here because he’s a great drafter.  Tango has not taken a break from bowling and won another title last night.  Spidey was the steal of the draft in the 2nd round.  Baller is another CacsoBayer friend of Tango, and Rufio! is a gamer who won Draft last year (plus she’ll be psyched to be joined be fellow Lovernaut Rinni).

2. Bombpop: After grabbing the legendary Oz in the 1st, Bombpop grabbed his Yaymate Yao 2nd to have perhaps the best 1-2-3 (on paper) in the league.  Then he drafted his brother.  These guys are all pretty familiar with each other.  They picked up Miz Tizdale who is a proven commodity, and Lillabot who is in it to win it as she only participates in Draft League and liked bowling enough to marry her bowling instructor.

3. Chernobes: AKA, Binga’s.  Layne didn’t set out to draft her BoPo team but the picks just fell that way.  Who’s going to pass up Jerk at 10th pick?  Or Tso at 30?  Only Cookie got away but Rick Vaughn’s team will take care of him.  After the three Binga’s you get an odd mix of Snapshot, DC Lane and J Bird, not standard Binga’s players but solid bowlers.  This team is like a social experiment that could result in a title.

4. Big Whoop (McStriker): Just draft champions, that’s a solid strategy.  Booth and Cheese account for 7 titles between them, including three Draft League titles.  They know what it takes.  Dude reached the finals last year and McStriker gives herself an ace woman.  Burt the Bandit proved his clutch credentials last year and Clarified Gutter will probably kill it now that she doesn’t have to worry about dragging Peanut Gutter home after 2 kamikaze pitchers.

5. Munj: I’ve already started doing paragraphs for three other teams as #5 (T-Square, Diesel and E-Motional) and talked myself out  of them as I wrote.  If I finish this writeup then these guys stay at 5.  Gutterboi is always a solid pick, and a good coach.  He should get the most out of Gutterslut, and Gutterlicious is a BoPo all-star.  Sparetime has become semi-famous for BoPo playoff upsets and near misses, and Munj is psyched to roll on a team where he can safely be the #3.  Mystery Girl turned out to be Gracer, we’ll have to see what she’s got.  Well, I finished the paragraph.

Game of the Week

LATE: #2 Bombpop (-1) vs Cilantro: Yeah, I ranked Bombpop 2nd then only favored them by 1.  These guys will be good but could also start off a bit rusty.  Cilantro has been getting in work and was a BoPo playoff hero.  He’s got the ever consistent Cheddar, sneaky good Magic, and new LOSer Nugget. in his top 4. That’s a hell of a group.  If I hadn’t already finished rankings I’d revise them to include these guys.  As it is, it’s my game of the week!

Early Games

# 3 Chernobes (-3) vs Deputy: No one works harder than Deputy, always practicing, always changing his games, always sleeveless.  He’s got a decent little squad with his 2v2 buddy Duke and Pauly, plus reigning BoPo champ Alleyluejah.  They look like a playoff squad but I just ranked Chernobes 3rd so I have to stick with that.  Did I mention Binga’s has a new locker room directly across the street from Bayside’s parking lot?

Diesel (-1) vs Colucci Kid: This could be a sweet match.  Precious returns to the lanes for the first time since his heroic playoff run, but he faces defending Draft Champ Diesel.  Danny D has some big guns in Bustah and Beef Wellington.  The Kid grabbed the sought after Steff Infection (also a new Bayside hire, yes!).  Should be a battle but I’ll give the slight edge to Diesel’s crew.

#1 McGuyvah (-5) vs Gatch: Well, they are my preseason #1.  That, plus Gatch is out of town.  Seatown, Wildcard, Bonita and Southpaw will try to pick up the slack while he’s gone and Budwesier Joe makes his Draft League debut.

#5 Munj (-5) vs Squampch: I already wrote about the Munjes.  Squampch is also out of town tonight, one of multiple MIA Captains in week 1.  Boots will be good but this is his Bayside debut and there is usually an adjustment period.  Sloppiness and Lala will need to step up since they are fresh off title games last night.

T-Square (-3) vs Tootsie: T used the #1 pick wisely by selecting Bama, an unassailable pick.  Grabbing T-$ in the 2nd round was a nice little bonus.  The team is full of gamers in Knuckles, Automatic and J-Walker along with the Captain herself who has aeon a BoPo title.  Tootsie is returning to BoPo play after founding, then leaving, Turkey Club a few years back.  He’s got an interesting mix: few bowl more often than Sparkles.  Skittles is a crowd favorite and Jenerator has more Restaurant titles than you can shake a rolling pin at.  I think this team will take a while to come together, however, so I’m picking T-Square.

Late Games

Dick’s Pick’s Vol. IV: (-1) vs E-Motional: So much drama!  Dick vs McQueen in what has been a turbulent offseason for OC. E-Minor and, well, just E-minor.  Lots of Waterville in this match (Dick, McQueen, Barry Violet).  I’m going with the Picks assuming Mr. Stiffy is back around and they use mostly uppers tonight.

Hot Sauce (-3) vs Hexy: Hot Sauce took the gamble on the Shifter McNasty pick and tonight may be one of the nights when it pays off as I think both will be there (of course there will be many nights with neither).  Hexy shocked the world by selecting Coco Lopez at #2 overall – will it pay off?  She is coming off a season with 3 major titles.  I’ll take the Sauce in this one though.

#4 Big Whoop (-5) vs Rick Vaughn: Ol’ Ricky missed the draft, and I tried to the best I could for him with the draft list he provided.  He was dead set on Bijou in the first round, and she could be back to form not bowling 8 months pregnant.  Cookie gets his shot at being top dog.  Probie and Ramrod both bring the heat, and Rick Vaughn loves the heater.  This team will enjoy itself.

Roadhouse (-3) vs 100% Down: Just when you thought it was safe to bowl without ear protection, he’s back.  With only three roster players available Slow Roll and 100% down are bringing Dr. Thunder out of retirement for a cameo. They’ll be without Nuber, Luke and Seachellz, however, and the Karl H?uncle Jesse combo will be wildly unpredictable.  Coversely, Roadhouse and Natro both have been bowling consistently well and will be tough to top.  Tilt-A-Whirl may finally get her look at a championship, while Saw is looking for a Draft League repeat.





T-Square Hexy Slow Roll Tootsie Cilantro Munj Colucci Kid
Bama Coco Lopez Karl Hungus Sparkles Cheddar Gutterboi Precious
T$ Walter Nuber One Herk-a-leez Magic Gutterslut Stef Infection
Knuckles Jon Moon Uncle Jesse Skittles Nugget Gutterlicious Mr. Mayor
Automatic Hombre D Luke Happy fPete Rubbys Sparetime Fern
J Walker Wedgehead Seachels Jenerator Prancer ? Lady Slick Nick
Rick Vaughn McGuyvah Chernobes Squampch Hot Sauce McStriker Bombpop
Bijou Lowrie Tango Jammy J Boots Valley Gurl Double Chz Oz
Cookie Spidey Gen. Tso Sloppiness Shifter Nasty Booth Yao Romo
Wendiesel Rufio! Snapshot Lala Cpt. Insanal Burt the B Miz Tizdale
Probie Baller J Bird Cotter Martin Xander Rolle The Dude Jonkowski
Ramrod Rinni DC Lane Cupcake Nutter Gutter Clarified gut Lillabot
Diesel Gatch Deputy Dick L E-Motional Roadhouse
Bustah Southpaw P Ringwald Stiffy McQueeeeen Natro
Beef Wellin Sea Town Duke T-wood Space Farmer Bora-Bora Tilt-a-whirl
Hunny Bunny Sir Marksalt Alley-lujia Beaujolais P Nurp Jewdy
Strike T Bonita The Cleaner Shithawk Barry Violet Saw
Ruby Canary Wildcard Luka Queen B Animal Two Koops

Please Pardon Our Appearance…

It’s been a long Summer, things got a little run down around here.  Over the next couple weeks we should have the site back up to snuff.  Draft on Thursday!  I’m updating the 2v2 pages today.  I do believe it’s bowling season mother huggers!

For The Banner

L.O.S. (13-3) -1 vs Leisure Rolls (13-3)

L.O.S. is finally on the doorstep of the championship they’ve seemed destined for for years. Precious and Double Cheese have put in the time, studying their games, pushing each other to get better. They’ve been favorites in many past tournament games but fallen to weaker opponents. I think their performance on Thursday should put that image behind them, that was the most clutch shot in league history. They also have Mr. Stiffy who is sometime forgotten about behind those guys. He had an excellent 2v2 season and showed what was to come – then he carried the team through the 1st round. Alley-Lujah is doing enough to win and had to work through a long night of five games yesterday. She comes up big in 10th frames if she’s within striking distance.

Leisure Rolls are the new guys, but like it or not they are playing like true BowlPortlanders. They will be drinking in the finals this year – shots! (On a side note, shots used to be a BoPo pre Finals tradition, and the rounds are on me if teams want them (Stiffy you can even get a Hot Toddy). Certainly not going to force it, but it sets a really good tone for the Championship. On another awesome side note, everyone in this matchup has learned to bowl mostly or entirely in BoPo or at Bayside. The homegrown nature of it is special and a really cool testament to the the self-taught, beer frame honed bowling skills we have all gained together. It’s a reminder that any of us can get to the top of BoPo with a just few seasons of learning here. First beer frame is on the house! ) They really have continued the traditional BoPo party ethos. I think that’s why they’re here. They don’t get tight in any situation. Sloppy will still be drinking out of a pitcher, Magic will still turn from every roll and give himself a quiet little round of applause, Insanal will still lose his mind at least once as his name implies, Gatch won’t have to pace himself – just like every week. They are a great foil for LOS.
I like this matchup a lot. On paper you see LOS’ three giant averages vs a team that had all four guys between 170-175 and think blowout. However the Rolls have the looseness and belief in themselves (they’ve won a lot of league championships before) plus they have Space Cadet who has been amazing. They should dominate last point each game, and then they are generally going to be solid across the board. They’ll let LOS beat themselves, if they will. If LOS plays confident and up to their potential they’ll get that title we’ve always thought they’d get. If they get tight and falter, the Rolls will be bowling confidently and consistently across from them happy to win it all in their first try.

I think LOS brings it home – hard to pick against Precious after Thursday – but this looks to me like match which will, for the first time in three years, deliver a game 3. The sound of that bowl off bell is still ringing in our ears, wouldn’t mind ringing it one last time…


Finals: Leisure Rolls vs L.O.S.

Well that was interesting.  Competition brings out weird things in people.  At the end of the night the kind of weird, semi-angry, testosterone heavy self motivation will be forgotten, and what will be remembered are some excellent finishes, including the most exciting shot and finish in BoPo history.  For another year there is no repeat champion.  For a second time in three years an expansion squad is in the Finals.  How’d we get here?

The quarters didn’t offer much excitement.  LOS crushed BEER 8-2, GOB crushed Yahtzee 9-1, and Lesiure Rolls crushed B&B 9-1 (I think).  That left the entire building watching one game – XXX Club vs BIB.  That game was 5.5-4.5 and had bowl off written all over it, but in the end the Club overcame Stevie’s top point and won, leaving the fans without the bowl off we were hoping for.

The semis were much more interesting. Lesiure Rolls jumped out to a 4-1 lead on GOB in their usual way, no one over 200, no one under 155.  They did the same thing in game 2 but GOB put up some better numbers to tie things up.  In game three Magic, top scorer in all three games, finally broke the 200 barrier for Rolls, and they grabbed 4 for a 9-6 win and a spot in the Championships.

Next door the Club jumped all over LOS early.  LOS had averaged well over 200/guy in the quarters but came off the break cold and all struggled out of the gate to a 4-1 deficit.  It looked over in game 2 – so over that Tango was shaking hands and celebrating, and Double Cheese was shaking his head and packing up his equipment.  Then Precious had his first big moment.  With the season on the line, he got the turkey in the 10th he had to have and kept things alive at 7.5-2.5.  That set up the most unbelievable finish in BoPo history.  LOS was cruising to a 5-0 game three win and a bowl off.  Everyone knew it, everyone was ready for it, all Precious had to do was mark in the 10th, then..split.  The 6-7.  Game over.  Well, except he picked it up, and Bayside has never been louder.  It was the most clutch shot we’ve ever seen, and set up our first ever Semifinal bowl off.

Big Rig and Precious both started with two opens, then a spare.  Then they both had a double, which Precious turned into a turkey.  Precious looked to be pulling away after a couple Big Rig opens, then he rolled a couple opens himself to open the door back up.  In the end he needed just an 8 in the 10th to win, and he got a spare to put his team in the finals.  Pretty amazing stuff.

So we’ve got the new guys in the Leisure Rolls who don’t put up big scores but grind you down and just grab points, leaving every team in their wake shaking their heads.  Then the Twin Towers and Stiffy, all of them monster scorers but a bit streaky.  The cries of “Bowl Shithawk” will certainly fall on deaf ears.  Should be a very interesting final, two new teams, a new champion, new colors going up on the wall….

See you Saturday

Eight Is Enough

The sweet 16 night is always a lot of fun. There are still some underdogs who pulled off 1st round upsets, lots of different teams are alive.  Plus there are more teams wrapping up their season with post game revelry, and some winners too.  The quarterfinals is a bit different.  Teams know that if they are going to survive today they are going to have to play two matches against elite teams.  Every team here genuinely believes it could make the finals, and why norm, they’ve already won at least two playoff games.  This year’s final eight includes the top 4 seeds, the 6 seed, the 9 seed and a couple of Sunday Shootout survivors to spice things up a bit.  Tuesday only gave us one really exciting finish – expect many more tonight.

#1 Back In Black (12-2) -1 vs #9 XXX Club (9-5):  With no disrespect to their earlier opponents (the Pinups took a 4-1 lead and last week Oolie was excellent in taking top point with a 230+), this appears to be the first real test for the defending champs.  They have been able to rally from slow starts with ease, but from here on in those kind of starts could doom them.  Gutterboy came through for them last week, and Skippy Strikes has actually been a consistent roller with the 2nd best playoff average.  Eventually Stevie will start dominating again, despite his slow starts.  GB’s Mom, Skittles and T-Square (in week 1) have all had some above average games for themselves too.  Maybe they’ve been letting their guard down a little these first two matches.  They won’t do that against the Club.

T-Club is looking to make it’s 2nd Finals in 3 years.  They have had a much more difficult path to get here, being tied at 5 all with the Linguists then Saucy Posse.  They have had enough to get by and are now pretty well playoff tested.  They’ve done it even with regular season leader Tango scuffling.  Herk-A-Leez was a game 1 hero with a 215 average.  His longtime running partner Roadhouse picked up the slack in round 2 with a 600 series of his own.  The big difference maker has been their free agent signing Big Rig.  He seems to have finally found the right ball and shot combo and has been a dominant in the playoffs.  He also is the only lefty on his side of the bracket.

This should be a great game.  Tango and Herk could crush Stevie’s resolve with a barrage of Brooklyns, or the veterans of BIB could return to form and just be too much to handle.  I can’t bet against the defending champs at this point, but it’s really close…

#4 L.O.S. (11-3) -3 vs #22 B.E.E.R. (7-8):  The only time these teams met in the playoffs was a BEER win in the 2010 semis.  Of course back then Natro played for LOS and Double Cheese was just a menu item.  Logically that match should have zero impact on this one four years later in a totally different league and venue, but LOS has a long memory, and what they do with that memory could determine this one.  If they are feeling confident then there is probably no other loss they’d rather avenge more, no other franchise they’d prefer to knock out, and this is their opportunity.  Conversely they could remember being heavy favorites and losing then, and then having a string of  tough playoff losses, and get tight.  I tend to think they have gotten past that this year, primarily by rallying late to pull away from Incredibowls in the first round.  Once they survived that they were able to loosen up a bit.  Precious and Cheese also just reached the 2v2 finals with a win yesterday.  They should be confident.  Even if they do tense up they can turn to Mr. Stiffy who has been the best bowler in the playoffs thus far.  Ally -Lujah has had a decent playoff average and Shithawk has played a big role by drawing opponents attention away from his teammates with his Smack Boarding – will they reward him with a game?

Being loose will not be a problem for BEER.  They are playing with house money right now after going only 4-8 in the regular season.  They have nothing to lose at this point, and have been bowling and drinking accordingly.  In the first round Tom Richards and Queen Bee were the unexpected leaders.  Last week it was Natro.  Filthy and Hungus have been steady.  Patterns suggest that tonight it’s Slow Roll’s turn.  BEER will start TR tonight again, as no team has more nightmares about him than LOS (well, maybe Binga’s).  He is a tone setter and starts the BEER party when he rolls a few strikes.  BEER are all veterans who have been here many times – if they can survive to force a game three then they grab the upper hand.  Surviving the opening games to get there could be a tall order.

Ultimately it looks like the year that The Twin Towers finally live up to their billing, thanks in large part to their little buddy Mr. Stiffy.

#2 Lesiure Rolls (11-3) -1 vs #26 Bowled & The Beautiful (6-9):  The Rolls have had some great fortune in their first year in the league.  They watched from the stands as LOS lost in week 12 handing them the Thursday A crown.  That has given them a relatively soft path to the quarters, though Granola played them tight.  They’ve been able to get here even though none of them has been bowling at their peak level.  They also saw the team that on paper was their toughest opponent in the bracket get upset in round 1.  Well, now they are a win away from the semis, and no one really remembers how you got to the top once you’re there.  The real tests will start tonight, but they have momentum and confidence and fully expect to be playing on Saturday.

The team that knocked off the bracket favorites – B&B.  Not only did they upset SOD in round one, they needed only two games to do it.  Then they handled the Nutz Tuesday and all of the sudden find themselves rubbing elbows with the league elite.  They won’t be intimidated by the company – in fact they seem so surprised and happy to be here that they couldn’t possibly be playing any looser.  They have a shot against the rolls.  Saw was on fire last round and needs to keep that up, and Dr. Pheelgood has been putting in serious practice time.  Bo Julius can hang with the amazingly consistent Space Cadet.  Billy James and Mr. Mayor need to play their best games – they have shown the ability.

The Rolls win by grinding opponents down – doing just enough to grab points up and down the line.  There is no #1, but also no #4, they are solid across the board.  That consistency should hand them the narrow victory.

#6 Guns of Brighton (10-4) -1 vs #3 Yahtzee (12-2):  Ok, I probably shouldn’t read too much into the first two rounds.  I picked a Yahtzee BIB final in the initial writeup and really should probably stick with it, but my gut’s telling me this one is an upset.  Yahtzee hasn’t needed to do much to advance so far, and put up a couple of very low 600’s last round in their win.  Obviously that’s all they had to do, but can they turn it back on now that they’ll need it?  Sparkles has at times been the most dominating player in the league, but he has not had his best performances in the playoff format.  Cheddar is pretty much a lock for a 580-610 series so they have that going for them.  Pauly is more likely than anyone to have a line that looks like 115-245-200, but unlike 2v2 this isn’t cumulative so opponents can really take advantage of that 115.  Bowldemort is 89th out of 90 in playoff average and may not see the court.  Lala and Babe are solid but neither has had a truly big night.  This is a really good team, a very close team, but an interesting amalgam.  Who steps up to calm things if Cheddar gets frustrated?

GOB’s biggest obstacle is always GOB.  They beat up on themselves all the time, and instead of being able to rally as a group their psyche seems to fall to the lowest common denominator of whoever is unhappiest.  Lucky for them they are all in a good place at the right time, and that makes them very dangerous.  E-Minor has gotten over his midseason slump (not coincidentally tied to his mid-season grumpiness) and has looked like the guy that led the league in average for the first month, putting up monster scores with the left side of the lane all to himself.  Jon Moon has been a constant playoff scorer.  iHand is captaining wisely and should be pretty happy with himself for the match.  Hootie and Seatown have both had some huge games and will need to grab all their points tonight.  That leaves the professional – Mr. Pickles.  He wants a semis battle with Capt. Insanal so bad he can taste it, and he will throw everything he’s got at Yahtzee.  I think it will be just enough.

This should be an instant classic.  Two great teams that could easily have met in the finals.  Only one can win.  I’m going with the team that has looked rejuvenated in the playoffs.



I don’t really spend much time on these write-ups as they are based on hypothetical match ups.  If the quarters go as a I predicted, then I think LOS’ relative youth gives them the endurance to edge BIB, and GOB gets by the Trolls for a LOS/GOB finals and a guaranteed 1st time Champion on Saturday.  Of course I wouldn’t be remotely surprised if it stays chalk and we get a BIB/Yahtzee final.

My Super Sweet 16 (Corrected – My Balls/L Rolls early, B&B/Nutz late)

It’s always tough this time of year.  The sun is out and the six month deep freeze has finally broken.  Your instincts are telling you to get outside, but you know there is one week of left of BoPo.  Stay focused.  Everyone had a fun season, and only one team is going to end the season with a win, but as of this morning there are still 16 teams with championship dreams.  Those dreams had Jerk and Bustah and Precious and Cheese and Hungus putting in work yesterday in 70 degree weather at 4pm.  Those dreams had 1st round giant-killers Guacabowle holding a team practice on a sunny Saturday morning with the lanes almost to themselves.  Luckily Mother Nature has sent us a gray day, a bowling day, to turn our eyes and minds back to BoPo for the thrilling conclusion.  How will the season finale unfold?  What unbelievable twists are left after a 1st round that saw the losses of two top title contenders?  There are some incredibly strong match ups tonight, mixed in with the last few Cindarellas battling some of the favorites.  Four games early, four games late.  Come take it in, and be a part of it with cheers and heckling.  For tonight, all players on teams that have been eliminated already get $1 Mooseheads or $3 wine to encourage you to be a part of the night.

Early Games

#11 Binga’s (8-5) -1 vs #6 Guns of Brighton (9-4): I told Jamaican Jerk yesterday that this was a battle of heavyweights.  “No”, he corrected, “super-heavyweights!”  Well it’s definitely a good matchup, one that looks like a quarterfinal or final four game. Both teams have had moments of looking like worldbeaters this season, and also had some slumps.  GOB roared out of the gate with Mr. Pickles 289 in Week 1 and E-Minor leading the league in average for a month (you owe me $20 Gutterboy!)  They cruised along for weeks slowly losing steam, then hit a bumpy part of the schedule late.  They closed the season with a win but looked sullen and headed nowhere.  Then the playoffs hit and it looked like they had new life.  They were loose and smiling and advanced with ease.  Binga’s knocked off Back In Black this season, but also lost to some teams it should have handled easily.  Cookie led them out of the gate early when Jerk was struggling, and then Jerk started to get his groove back -not the dominance of 2013, but still the Jerk.  The rock has been Chernobylayne, having an amazingly consistent season in the 150s.  Plus Hot Mango Mike staked his claim to a repeat win of the Sparkplug award.  How will this unfold? The talent is equal on the whole.  Jerk and Pickles is an awesome showdown.  iHand has a history of stepping up when he has to, and Tso’s rebuilt hand is as good as new.  Seatown versus Layne will be good watching too.  Jon Moon gets his first real playoff test, and Cookie is the hungriest for a championship.  How quickly will E-Minor turn on himself, and will Jerk get the best out of Mango to fire the team up?  This will be great watching if GOB gets off to a good start.  If they start slowly I see it crumbling in on them.  I’m going with Binga’s intangibles, even though Jerk seems pretty tight right from putting to much of the pressure on himself.

#22 B.E.E.R. (6-8) -3 vs #28 Guacabowle (9-4):  A week ago I did not see a scenario where B.E.E.R. could be a 2nd round favorite, but the unthinkable happened.  Guacabowle knocked off league titans Off Constantly and shook up the whole thing.  Guacabowle has had a great start to their franchise.  They are only in their third season but have already won a Team of The Year award and now have the most memorable playoff upset in league history.  They are not satisfied just getting here, either.  They have been practicing all week. Cilantro posted a 234 on Saturday, they fear no one, and they are going for it.  They remind me of 2010 B.E.E.R., upstarts who found themselves winning and advancing.  Unfortunately for them the depth of the league in 2014 is very different than 2010.  They face a B.E.E.R. team coming off a very unusual season.  They struggled to a 4-8 record and had to go to the Sunday Shootout.  They spent weeks averaging around 600, nursing injuries and muddled minds due to a terribly timed team practice.  Were there a trophy for it Hungus would be the frontrunner for worst Captaining move of the year for that idea.  That said, things have started to turn late.  Back to back wins over OC and SOD gave them some confidence (though those two teams have already been knocked out so maybe those wins are suspect).  Now they’ve won both of their playoff games 10-0.  Tom Richards rolled a 208 in the 1st round, and Queen Bee a 191.  A win tonight for a trip to the quarters and BEERs regular season struggles will seem like a long ago memory.

#1 Back In Black (11-2) -5 vs #16 I.B.S. (11-2):  Back In Black got a little wake up call last week when the Pinups, a team whose upset chances I had rated as “nil”, jumped out to a 4-1 (almost 5-0) lead with straightballs and Brooklyns and all manner of approaches.  BIB is loaded however, and quickly rallied for the next ten points.  It was probably the best thing that could have happened to them.  They are defending champs and the number one seed and may have bought into the general air of inevitability around themselves.  I wouldn’t be terribly surprised if they respond by coming down hard on I.B.S.  Wat Wat’s band of bowlers is having a dream run.  They were 0-12, now they are division champs in the Sweet 16 with the chance to take on the #1 seed.  Pretty heady stuff for the poop-mongers.  IS there a path to a win?  It seems impossible, but so did Stevie rolling a 147 and getting BIB’s only point (last) in game 1 vs the Pinups.  Oolie could have the night of his life and steal a top point or two.  Lucky could regain her Y&B form and be in the 160s, or maybe Ripper takes that role.  Anything’s possible, but this looks like the closest there is to a sure thing bet in tonight’s lineup of games.

#2 Leisure Rolls (10-3) -3 vs #15 My Balls (12-1):  It’s time to face the fact that the Rolls are here to stay.  They looked like a veteran playoff team last week weathering a fired up Granola squad shooting miles above their average by heartlessly taking each point by 10 or so pins.  It totally deflated the underdogs.  Perhaps it’s because they do in fact have a ton of playoff experience, winning an astounding 148 Casco Bay league titles. They don’t have a a top dawg, but they don’t have any weak links either.  They are a confident bunch – talking junk on the board, openly discussing possible final four opponents, wearing sweatpants in public.  They take that swagger into a match with My Balls, the Tuesday B champs with the best record in all of BoPo.  The offseason acquisition of the bricked Wej has done wonders for this team.  Wej gives them a front of the lineup bowler but in a partying package.  He has stepped up his game in the playoffs too with a 193 average in three games opening round.  Captain Barry Violet has been more of a wildcard but he is a competitive dude who should rise to the occasion.  Rambler and DC Lane will need to step up in their limited appearances.  Big Red may hold the key.  She has been in a slide, but early in the season was dominating.  If she brings that back then the upset is at least possible.

Still reading?  Let’s go to the Late Games!

#26 Bowled & Beautiful (5-9) -1 vs #24 Nutz (5-9):  Raise your hand if you had this matchup in your bracket.  Liar!  I saw all the brackets, no one had it.  Not a single prognosticator had B&B getting here, and the Nutz game was split.  Perhaps that’s because these teams got last and 2nd to last place in their respective divisions with a combined 6-18 regular season record.  Well one of them is going to the quarterfinals and will have a real look at the semis.  Crazy.  B&B’s win last week was certainly the bigger shocker – a large number of folks had SOD ticketed for the finals.  They have shown they play best in the bigger games, and from here on in each game is the biggest they’ve ever been a part of.  Billy James and Mr. Mayor haven’t been consistent, but one of them is always having a big game.  Dr. Pheelgood and Saw have stepped up in slots too.  Jenerator has a number of championships under her belt and is the steadying hand, then Bo Julius is always a threat to go off.  This team is loose and in a good place.  Nutz have a short bench, but sometimes only having four people is a big advantage as everyone gets in a rhythm.  Bustah is of course the big gun, but last week Captain Herbie led the way with a 197 average.  This game is hard to call.  If Bustah goes off no one from B&B can keep up with him, but I think the team depth of B&B works to their advantage in this one for a down to the wire win.


#3 Yahtzee (11-2) -5 vs #14 Young & Bowled (5-8):  Looky here, Cheddar gets a rematch with a team that knocked him out of the the tourney last time he was in it.  Of course he no longer plays for BEER and the faces have changes for Y&B (where have you gone, The Truth?) but you know he’s aware.  Y&B has been a team I’ve tried all year to bump up the rankings only to see them lose.  They had a good average but seemed to find ways to lose.  That may have changed with that playoff opener.  Pistol Pete returned to form running off five straight to close game 2 and win the match.  He has Senator ITZ, a near lock for 170+ every time, and rookie Nugget looking to bounce back from last week.  The Cleaner, Hark and Samurai are harder to bank on but each has had big games.  Of course Yahtzee pretty much always has big games.  They look to me like the favorite to win it all.  Sparkles has looked dominant, and Cheddar is Cheddar.  Pauly, their #3, rolls 230s.  Lala and Babe haven’t had to do much yet but they are capable when called upon.  If it wasn’t for Bowldemort setting a new BoPo playoff low record with a 70 I’d say these guys look unstoppable.

#4 Still L.O.S. (10-3) -1 vs #13 Strikes of Hazzard (7-6):  Get your popcorn ready!  L.O.S. survived the absence of precious and the Cheese explosion to advance past Incredibowls.  Mr. Stiffy did the heavy lifting and possesses a gaudy 235 playoff average.  Maybe he’s the number one?  Getting Precious back is a huge boost to the team’s chances, and Shithawk has found his niche as the team’s Smack Talk presence (he’s been on fire).  The focused Captain Alley was also very solid in the first round win with her 150 average. Next up, Strikes of Hazzard.  Some have called these guys the team of destiny since the Bowling Ball is kind of themed like them. Deputy will be flexing and adjusting his cowboy hat win or lose, you can bet on that.  Uncle Jesse made a run at Captain of the Year honors by holding on to Deputy in the offseason after he was linked to at least two other teams, and bringing in General Lee, a ‘yankee ringer’ who turned out to be a great BoPo fit.  This is why he brought you in, General.  Playoff match ups against powerhouses like the Twin Towers (and Stiffy).  Miz Tizdale has a history of clutch playoff rolling, and Uncle Jesse himself has big game potential.  This should be an amazing game, and a culture clash.  Hazzard is loose and likely drunk, and LOS seems to be tight and feeling pressure.  I have zero confidence in my pick but have to bet on Stiffy after his opening round.

#9 XXX Club (8-5) -3 vs #25 Saucy Posse (3-10):  Both of these teams advanced in thrilling fashion.  Both had games go down to the final frame with the entire league watching.  The Club held off a game underdog in The Linguists thanks in huge part to Herk’s magic ball.  HE found a million different ways to strike in posting a huge 215 average for the night.  Offseason signing Big Rig finally delivered on thy hype with a monster game three to seal things and looks like he has finally found the right adjustment for Bayside.  Look out.  Tango and Roadhouse didn’t even need good games.  Saucy Posse may have finally shaken their curse.  It looked like another crazy loss for them after jumping out to a 5-0 lead on TDYOB, then watching it get tied at 5 and going to the 10th frame.  After three open 10ths Hot Sauce begged Walter to step up and not let them give the win away, and he did.  Now they have a little confidence.  T-Bear did surprising well, and may be able to hang with Two Koops and Bora tonight.  Walter and Wing Sauce need to be at the top of their game.  It’s a long shot, but it could happen.



Sweet 16 Schedule

Tuesday, April 14th


Early Games

#1 Back In Black vs #16 I.B.S.

#21 B.E.E.R. vs #28 Guacabowle

#2 Leisure Rolls vs #15 My Balls

#6 Guns of Brighton vs #11 Bingas


Late Games

#9 XXX Club vs #25 Saucy Posse

#4 L.O.S. vs #13 Strikes of Hazzard

#23 Nutz vs #26 Bowled & Beautiful

#3 Yahtzee vs #14 Young & Bowled



LOS 9 Incredibowls 1

IBS 9 Ball That 6

Nutz 9 BUI 6

Lesiure Rolls 9.5 Granola Bowlahs .5

BEER 10 Yay! 0

Y&B 8 Slaughterhouse 7 2

Saucy Posse 8 TDYOB 7