Official Bowling League of Fake Americans

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http://www.mainetoday.com/photoalbum.html?id=6526

Congratulations to Binga’s Ringas for an exciting 9-6 championship win over Dirty Half Dozen.  The Ringas jumpd outto a 5-0 lead, and were on the edge of victory when DHD captain Riggs gutted out four straight strikes to end the game and get the score to 7-3.  Binga’s needed only one point in game 3, but were looking like they might come up short…then in frame five playoff MVB Jamaican Jerk turned it on, leading to a 203 for top point, and an overall pin win of 1.  Great game.

Throw the records out the window - we’re in the final four.  Three teams from the mighty Soulja Boy Division, and one upstart.  Three teams everyone expected to see here, and Urban Achievers secured the open fourth spot by dispatching the commissioner, thus assuring they will be kicked out of the league next year.

First, the Top Dogs, Binga’s Ringas, plays the defending champs, Off Constantly.  There is too much drama to even try to encapsulate.  Binga’s handled the OC’s in a mid-season showdown, but this is different.  This is Binga’s first Final Four, and it’s like nothing they’ve experienced.  OC has been here before.  Binga’s has the luxury of multiple aces, and I would have picked them before the return of Steve McQueen.  But with McQueen and Dick Liquor now complementing Oz, I’d call that trio a wash with Wing Alex, the suddenly quiet Jek, and Danny Diesel.  Hot Mango Mike and Buffalo Booth also seem like a wash with Number One.  I have to give the slight edge to OC with Knuffi and Hunny Bunny taking on Albany Style Angela.  Combine that with the experience factor, and I’ll take OC to squeak by, 8.5 to 6.5

Urban Achievers have been the most consistent team all year.  They may not overwhelm you, but far more importantly, never have a bad game either.  They’re beatable, but you have to earn it.  Make any mistakes and they’ll march right past you, and intimidate you with the silence punctuated with the gutteral roars of Moose Knuckles.  J Hammer, D Fingers and T Ferguson won’t wow you, but won’t disappoint you.  Pinky has been a rock all season.  Dirty Half Dozen flew under the radar all year but stand just a step away from a shot at vengeance (or a shot at being BowlPortland’s Buffalo Bills depending on the outcome).  In contrast with their opponent, they don’t even know the meaning of the word ‘consistency’.  That said, all four of their guys have taken turns leading them.  That won’t be enough unless at least one person joins the leader (ask Cheddar).  Toonces has been gaining momentum entering the playoffs, and will have to keep limber with six possible games (same for Pinky). I think this one is going to be closer than some expect.  Moose Knuckles has been rolling (and fist-pumping) hard lately, and usually stays close to the opposition’s lead-d0g, letting the rest of his team pick up points.  DHD can’t afford any off games.  I think it will be 5-5 going into game 3, and come down to the 10th frame.  A Jeltz Turkey edges a Moose Knuckles 27, and DHD moves on, exhausted.

That would create a rematch of last year’s final.  It is probably silly to predict a game that may not happen, but if it happens, I like OC, relaxed on White Russians and with two strong women, to repeat over a DHD squad that left it all on the lanes in the semis.

Great season all.

Don’t forget, and remind your teammates, the amazing Bowling Ball is this Friday, the 10th, 8 - 12 at SPACE. Maybe Utah, DJ Baby Jay and The Toughcats will perform, there will be a raucous dance-off, and all the league trophies will be distributed.  There will also be some giveaways.  Seriously, this is the event the whole season has built toward - come finish BowlPortland 2009 with a bang.

Thanks for reading all season, and thanks so much for making this league amazing.  Signing off…

Karl

Well, here we go.

6:30 Start Time

#1 Binga’s Ringas vs #5 Off Constantly

#2 Urban Achievers vs #6 Dirty Half Dozen

(if either team has clinched after two games, they don’t need to play the third)

Championship starts approximately 15 minutes after first games end

BowlPortland is moving under its own momentum at a frightening pace.  The best you can do is just try to get out of the way and stare with awe as it hurtles toward destiny.  So there was no time for writeups - a few teams submitted fantastic summaries, the other six games not so much.  Here’s a lightning fast recap.  #1 Binga’s survived a scare.  They saw a 4-1 lead evaporate and entered game three in a 5-5 tie with the game #16 seed Purple Haze before finally pulling away.  I think it was the wakeup call they needed.  The #2 seed also faced a challenge.  They fell behind 4-1 before rallying to tie it at 5, and held on to edge the #18 Die Gassenjungen.  Prost to Feltie for an out of her mind performance.  The #3 seed did go down, as you read in the Incredibowls report.  #4 Roll Another quietly dispatched the #13 Spares.  #5 Off Constantly didn’t have much trouble with #21 Happy Hands.  #6 advanced, as you read in Jeltz’ epic poem.  #7 Pinups fell to #10B.E.E.R. in a game much closer than the final score. There was a great moment for the Pinups as Sue, with the season on the line in game 2, picked up 19 points in the final frame to win 80-79 and keep her team alive a little longer.  Finally, #8 Alley Gash Rollers took care of the #9 Pud’s in a grudge match.

So, only two teams not ranked in the top 8 still alive…#7BEER and the Cinderella #19 Incredibowls.

Tonight’s Games:

#1 Binga’s Ringas vs #8 Alley Gash Rollers

Binga’s got a big scare last week, and looked vulnerable.  Will they react to that by feeling on edge or by reasserting their dominance?  I think the latter.  Natro has flashed the potential of late to throw a monkeywrench in their plans, however.  In the end, I think there’s just too many Ringas.

Binga’s 10 Alley Gash Rollers 5

#4 Roll Another vs #5 Off Constantly

Well, Roll Another, here’s your chance.  Chupacabra’s minions won their division, but no one is picking them to get through this match.  Off Constantly has that championship look in their eyes.

Off Constantly 10 Roll Another 5

#2 Urban Achievers vs #10 B.E.E.R.

J. Hammer is trying to bowl and run, having a night shift right after the game.  Moose Knuckles is looking to unleash his gutteral, triumphal  screams one more time.  B.E.E.R. loses Filthy, but welcomes back Fern.  She’s a difference maker.

B.E.E.R. 8 Urban Achievers 7

#6 Dirty Half Dozen vs #19 Incredibowls

Jeltz may be using his influence to get rail service between Rockland and BowlPortland.  Tonight he gets to discuss his plot with his sister, as the famous Dutch reappears.  DHD has rented a fog machine for her entrance.  Speaking of sisters, the Cinderella team is here hoping DHD do not play the role of evil stepsisters.  The Incredibowls pointed out that they have been picked to lose 12 weeks in a row.  Well, I hate to say it, but we’re going to make it 13.  I think they like it that way anyhow.

DHD 10 Incredibowls 5

From Fan of Team OC on Smack Talk # [Pending]

Classic MDG Commercial Dedicated to Team Off Constantly! Go get em’ boys!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBloleTrZM0

#3 Derelicte My Balls vs. #19 Incredibowls

Cinderella Incredibowls Celebrate Incredible Win
((PORTLAND, Maine - AP))  Not much was expected, per usual, from the Incredibowls. For the 12th straight week, they were picked to lose on bowlportland.com. More has been made about the team’s dancing than the team’s bowling.

But the ‘Bowls are doing plenty of dancing now…right in to the Quarterfinals after a thrilling 8-7 win and an improbable upset.

The game started with little fanfare. Moved off of the original lanes 13-14, the team felt out of their element. The lowly #19 seed took Game 1 by a 3-2 count, thanks in part to Poops McGee’s impossible spare pickup on the 10th frame, that could very well have saved the night. His partner in crime, Boobs McGee, also led the team to a point.

That’s when it all fell apart. The Balls won Game 2, 4-1 taking a 6-4 lead. The game featured a Kevin Garnett-like tirade by Boston, with expletives, ball-return-punching, and explosive f-bombs echoing throughout Yankee Lanes. Thank goodness the ladies’ league had wrapped up! Sweet Baby Lue, searching for “the good ball,” was also off his game.

Boston was told to “let it go,” “you’re taking it too seriously,” and “grow up.” The team didn’t grow up, but rather stepped up, knowing they needed at least 4 points in Game 3, or they were done.

The Incredibowls delivered, shutting down the Balls, 4-1 in Game 3 for the narrow victory. The Key: Red Hot Hands Mary, delivering her finest performance of the night. It was quite a celebration.

The #19 Seed moves on to the Elite 8. I’m sure the Incredibowls won’t be picked to win Friday. But don’t count them out.

So, some teams have changed their mind to be either in or out.  The easiest solution is that we will just have teams sign up when they arrive at the Bowling Ball.  Easy as pie.  May all your moves be fresh.